


Time to Run

by postapocalypticpowercouple



Category: The Blacklist (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, I Don't Even Know, I Tried, Keenler - Freeform, Light Angst, My First Work in This Fandom, The Blacklist - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-03
Updated: 2016-07-06
Packaged: 2018-04-24 13:46:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 24,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4921885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/postapocalypticpowercouple/pseuds/postapocalypticpowercouple
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is what would happen if I had a say in the Blacklist universe. Shameless Keenler. I do not own anything besides my crazy ideas and an unhealthy obsession with this ship.<br/>Reviews are needed</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Run

**Author's Note:**

> I am new to this and this is not that good but I am Keenler-Trash.I regret nothing  
> God,this is cheesy.

She had exactly 30 seconds. 30 seconds left of being a profiler , an FBI agent.  
Someone of the good ones.  
Then she would be on the same level as Reddington.  
Probably even on top of the list.  
She would be, no she was a criminal.  
And that was practically the only thong she knew about herself.  
The rest was fake and a big lie.Not more, not less.  
Her life was a lie.  
Her love was a lie.  
She was a lie.  
But actually she didn´t care. Not that much. Yes , she was shocked and hurt.  
But the concequences of what she was about to do , well that felt more like being injected again,  
with the substance , the stewmaker had used to make her more sensitive to pain.  
She felt how it ripped her heart in thousands of pieces and brought her head to explode.  
And again she could just watch.Watch how she lost the job she loved.  
Watch how she was becoming the villain, the target of the next mission of the FBI.  
Watch how she ruined everything.How she hurt the persons who trusted her.  
She was about to run.  
Elizabeth Keen knew that there was no going back, probably not even a coming back.  
But it was the only way to save that little bit that was left of her innocence.  
She would not go to prison, not take the blame for something she didn´t do.  
But she had no chance against a person like Conolly.  
Maybe she should have listened to Red.  
Maybe she should have made other choices.  
Maybe.She hated that word.As much as she detested the word almost.  
She had been almost happy.  
She had almost forgot Tom.  
She had been almost trusted by Ressler.  
And she had been almost out of that damn door.  
But then he stood in front of her.  
Rigid.unmoving.  
´Don't do this, Keen. ´ he begged.  
´Ressler´ she said out of breath.  
The whole situation was kinda ironic.  
It remembered her of the Mako Tanida case over a year ago.  
Ressler was about to shoot his best friend and she had said: ´Ressler, no`  
Liz knew that it would bring him to prison and she knew he couldn´t  
live with himself afterwards if he would kill Jonica.  
She let out a small breath.  
What was he doing now .Carefully she watched his actions.Would he try to attack her?  
No. Ressler ...he looked hurt in some ways.  
´I-I have to … in about 20 seconds, that camera's gonna turn back on. ` she said desperatly  
`Liz...´ his voice trailed of.His shoulders fell down  
And somehow she knew it was him who she would miss the most.  
His smile that appeared on his face in rare occasions.  
She would miss him telling her what do to, when she didn´t know what the next step would be.  
She would miss their quiet talks, hell even their arguments that weren´t that quiet.  
She would miss his bravery and strength, making her feel safe.  
She would miss that she could always come to him -if she wouldn´t be that stubborn.  
Goddamn it , she would miss HIM. She would miss him so much.  
Almost he had convinced her and almost she didn´t made her next mistake.  
It wasn´t planned.She didn´t know why she did it.  
But it would make things a thousand times more complicated.  
One the other hand she was never one listening to her mind. So she made her next mistake.  
13 seconds left.  
She closed the distance in a second by grabbing the collar of his shirt and pulled him closer to her.  
So near she could hear his heart beat.Or was it hers?  
The kiss was fast and rushed.  
The only and probably last time she could express what she deeply felt  
was now.  
In the moment their bodies collided, the time stopped for a moment.  
Everything she could hear were their fast beating hearts.  
It took everything in her not to go further, when he didn´t pull away.  
His hands grabbed her so tight like he planned to never let her go.  
Suddenly he stopped, pushed her nearer to the wall and whispered quietly:  
´Run`  
A tear was about to escape her eyes but then she was already pushed trough the door  
and she could hear Ressler´s muffled words because the door was already closed  
´We...just...missed...her.  
Got her burner. ´


	2. The second time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is based on 3x01 and ends at the beginning of 3x02

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a strong feeling that this chapter is not that good and I need some reviews if I am to much out of character.  
> Not so sure about the end.  
> Listen to Broken by Amy Lee feat Seether

Is it true, what they say, that she was your partner?  
_Was your partner.._  
It hasn´t even been a whole day since the events took a drastic turn  
and he had not once thought about that.  
After working for more than a year with her, her presence at every crime scene, every arrest  
was something normal.  
Now his partner, no **ex-** partner, was the one he was after.  
But damn it that stupid little part of his brain told him she still was his partner  
and that there was more to this, that she wasn´t just another terrorist.  
The rational part of his brain told him the facts: Elizabeth Keen was a terrorist and now a fugitive.  
One of the persons they hunted down everyday and locked away for good.  
She killed more than 14 people in cold blood.  
She was highly trained and dangerous.  
But the other, the stupid part of his brain, made it so hard to believe in the facts.  
_Evidence could lie. Especially when it was put there on purpose._  
One of his first lessons he learned at Quantico.  
Could the agent, who had willingly put down her gun to save a mans life, regardless of every FBI rule, the partner who crumbled in his arms after being kidnapped by some psychopath, the woman who stood at his treshhold when she literally ´didn´t know where else to go´, the friend he had celebrated her birthday with and shared a special wine and who saved him from going all junkie – Could she really be a cold-blooded killer?  
And she worked so hard to gain his trust. He had seen how she had proven herself everyday.  
_`Evidence lies.´_  
Once that thought had creeped up on his mind he simply  
couldn´t shake it off anymore.  
His gut told him that they – the whole task force – simply missed something.  
It started ever since that Conolly guy stepped out the elevator for the first time.  
It never left and now it was driving him crazy.  
In his mind he replayed the moment when he saw how Liz shot Conolly.  
There was something in her eyes.  
Something scared and broken, something lost.  
At that moment it seemed like she wasn´t in the room with them, but in a  
much much darker place.  
But damn it, he wasn´t supposed to listen to his gut.  
There were rules to be followed and orders he had to obey.  
He was supposed to go after her, do everything to get her behind the bars.  
But that wasn´t what he wanted to do.  
He had not the urge to shot her, to hurt her.  
Hell, he didn´t want to hunt her down.  
________________________________________________________________________________  
If you had told him that he, Donald Ressler would not want to catch a criminal  
he would have told you that you were crazy.  
But things have changed. He had changed.  
When he was trying to catch Raymond Reddington it took over his whole life.  
He had put that hunt before his personal life and it ruined him.  
All he wanted to do was catch this son of bitch.  
But now with Liz on the run he felt completely different.  
Yes, he wanted to get to her and to bring her back.  
Not to put her in some non-exicisting place where she wouldn´t even get a trial.  
This wasn´t somewhere near his mind.  
But he wished so bad she would stop running  
It didn´t feel like he was chasing a criminal.  
It felt wrong what he did.  
He knew that she was scared as hell.  
Don had seen it in her eyes when she begged him to let her go.  
But what worried him was that she was scared of him.  
Damn it she was the profiler.  
Shouldn´t she knew that he did not want to hurt her.  
And again that little, annoying part of his brain told him that evidence  
lies.  
In his mind one clear thought raised to the surface.  
He simply could not see her like that.  
He knew what she was capable off and somewhere deep down,  
he knew that she was no criminal and no freaking terrorist.  
The more he thought about the more unbelievable  
this whole ordeal became.  
Slowly he started to understand why Red had such a low opinion of  
the FBI.  
Everyone around him, the whole FBI, the task force, they just concentrated  
on the facts, on the things they found on the surface and what they could see.  
They didn´t learn anything these past years.  
But he was Liz´ partner.  
He knew more than just her file.  
The thought occurred him that this was the main reason they didn´t caught  
Reddington all those years ago.  
Because everyone was just concentrating on the black and the white side.  
But he knew this world was not black and white.  
Not in a world with Raymond Reddington.  
________________________________________________________________________________  
On the other hand the rational part of his brain told him to stay  
focused on the facts, stop criticizing the government, to stop  
sympathizing with the top one on the most wanted list  
and to snap out the thought that he could change a damn thing  
just because she kissed him.  
Maybe that was just an action to get away  
not because she felt anything.  
Because he felt something.  
She brought back this bittersweet situation of having actual feelings.  
That made things so much more complicated.  
It was then, when he got a call from Reddington.  
_What you know about her...What you feel about her could all make the difference._  
Red knew it. He wouldn´t ask how.  
But it made his next decision easier.  
Because when he spotted these now blonde locks of her and saw her,  
he stopped listening to the rational part of his brain and ran to her.  
He couldn´t remember the last time he ran this fast.  
All he wanted now was to get to her and to hold her.  
He realized he wanted to protect her.  
But when she started to climb the fence in front of the Russian Embassy  
he could feel how his blood run cold.  
Why was she doing this?  
But then he saw the angst in her face.  
He had never seen her that scared before.  
_My name is Masha Rostova._  
Later, when he told Samar that he couldn´t let her go  
it was nothing but the truth.  
He could not lose her to what ever this was.  
Even if it meant war.  
But as always something in his life didn´t give a damn what he could  
or what he wanted.  
It wasn´t really the words of Agent Navabi, more the look  
he got from Liz that convinced him to let her go afterall.  
The second time on this day that had to let her go.  
And for the second time on this damn day he got a call from  
Reddington.  
“The second she gets on that plane” - **She is dead.**  
The realization of what could actually happen hit him like a truck.  
Even the imagination of this scenario was more than painful.  
He would not let her die.  
Immediately, his mind went back to his horrible day in the last winter.  
Blood on his hands, while he felt like Audrey’s body became more and more  
lifeless.  
He would not let that happen again.  
And while the whole FBI was on a mission to catch  
the extremely dangerous terrorist Elizabeth Keen.  
Donald Ressler was on his own mission to save his partner and the woman  
he was falling in love with.  
Red knew that.


	3. I'll never let you down (even if I could)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on 3x03. My thoughts about that episode transformed into Lizzies and Ress` pretty heads.  
> Red don´t destroy the fucking bromance I am hoping for.  
> Sorry for the mistakes I wrote that from 10 pm to 5 am.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit fluffy I think. Listen to When I am gone by 3 Doors Down.

_We just got word Liz shot an undercover cop earlier today.It does look like the guy's gonna make it._

_Oh, Liz_

As strange as it sounded, he was proud of her. Not that he would tell that somebody anyways. But still, a little bit of the weight that was lasting  
on his shoulders seemed to be lifted. A tiny bit.

That just showed him that he was right about Liz. He knew her for god´s sake.She was not Red or any Blacklister. Liz could not kill  
like that. She wasn´t not capable of hurting someone and not letting affect that to her. 

Probably she was sitting in another fancy container on a ship to god know´s where and was blaming herself. He wasn´t there but  
he got this odd feeling in his gut - _yes he was listening to his gut and he had feelings. He was no robot even if Liz wrote_  
that in his profile when she tried to profile him for the first time. The good old days.... Okay stop here it wasn´t like they in a freaking sit com -  
that she shot that cop to protect Reddington and herself. _Of course she did_ a more bitter voice said.

He went to the rest room and put some icy water in his face _Calm the fuck down_. He looked in the mirror and saw his own,  
a bit bruised and a bit exhausted face.

Today his butt was saved by Samar but it was not the same. Samar was good, no doubt, but she wasn´t a replacement for Liz.  
His mind went back to that nice little mud wrestling match not even two hours ago, while they where catching that son of the bitch Eli Matchett.  
If there is one thing that he could say about Raymond Reddington, it was that this man was reliably.  
Don thought back to that faithful day when it all started.

Red said he would give them a Blacklister and that he did. Even if he was currently _unemployed?! More like they  
were unemployed if it wasn´t for Reddington._. 

He turned off the water.Ressler wasn´t dumb. He knew that his whole attention should be on catching Red and Liz.  
But to be honest who the hell expected them to actually catch a man who hid himself for 24 years and was some kind of  
underground king and a daughter of a Russian spy? 

He knew that the cases would not help the task force to catch them. It would give them a criminal bastard.  
But the FBI just found them because of Red. It would keep them occupied but Ressler understood it in another way.  
He thought it would be a kind of lead. Something to keep him close because he had given his word to Red.

Ressler knew that without Reddington´s help they would not succed in clearing the name of Elizabeth Keen.  
And Red for sure knew that too. But you could not just walk into the FBI and tell some by the book agents  
\- _yes he saw the irony in that_ \- that they would listen to one of the most dangerous man  
on this planet because actually the whole FBI was blind.

So he did follow the leads.Like it would be another weekly case. Because a part of him believed  
it would bring him closer to Liz.

It just got harder everyday to play the rightful, by the law Director. He knew he had to be careful. Damn. Samar  
found somehow out he let her go. And even if Aram said he believed Liz was innocent and at some point he was  
sure ,Navabi agreed, he knew that other people would not understand that. 

At this point he wasn´t that scared of being fired, hell this job could be a pain in the ass and his current situation  
of how would Liz pronounce it ... _being emotionally conflicted..._ wasn´t making anything easier.  
What he feared was that someone else could take his place.

Some jerk who tried to get on top of the chain and would not stop for a second to catch another blacklister.  
Who would hunt them down and this could kill them.  
If you had asked him years ago he would be doing the same. Not stop for anyone  
or anything to get promoted.

Now, well he was director but instead of being proud or cocky all he thought in the back of his mind was  
_A few more options for me.A few more ways for Liz to come back_

And Ressler knew that he actually had to trust his gut and his feelings this time.  
The rules and orders told him she was guilty but honestly how could anyone in this whole task for even  
rudimentarily believe that she did it.

Maybe he was biased.Maybe it was not right he did this.  
Well then, they could shot this whole task force down because Liz´ touched  
all of their lifes. Aram even said it out loud. But on the other hand he knew that they could not do anything against it,  
because this task force were the only people who had contact with the Number 4 on the Most Wanted List in more than 24 years.  
And something told him that Reddington wasn´t just only talking with Elizabeth Keen anymore but also with Donald Ressler.

So when Cooper told him that he had to trust his insticts he could say I do because he meant it. It didn´t mean he would go all Reddington  
and kill whoever stands in his way to get his partner back. He would follow rules and do the right thing but not with purpose of catching them.  
He did it to get his partner back.

He did it because he would keep his word.

He did it because he cared about Liz.

And he need no Tom Keen who told him that he cared about her. He knew it deep down by himself. 

He trusted his instincts on Liz´Birthday and it got them one of the nicest evenings they had in a long time.  
He would trust them again.

Don realized that he might be needed outside so he looked in the mirror one last time, straightened his tie and left the bath room.

They had added a new picture of Liz to the crime board.  
_This is bullshit. I know how my partner looks_  
She had this look on her face. 

He could picture it, it was probabaly the same she had when she phoned him earlier.Which was a surprise itself.  
Ressler almost wished that he told her: _"You can rewrite your profile of me , Keen"_

It doesn´t matter that she told him to back off.He would not.Not this time. She should knew him better.She probably did.He  
was too stubborn for that. He cared too much about her for that. He knew she was scared because he was scared too.  
So much could go wrong but what would happen if he stopped.  
Someone once told him that if someone seems worth the risk you should take it. There was no reason not to take it.

**POV Liz**

_He is a person. He is a good person._  
_He is my per - partner_

It was then when she woke up.Her head against the window of the car. _The car she stole. Calm the fuck down. People steal cars all the time  
.Yeah, criminal people.Oh surprise you are one_

**Good Morning, Lizzie. You look troubled**

_Yes a bit. Just a bit. It is not like that I almost killed another person and I still can smell the blood.It is not like I would  
miss my partner who´s job is to put me behind bars ,but let me go , heaven knows why. _

**"Oh really ? Yeah you know having the whole task force on my ass and being a fugitive, being on the run**  
is not my average sunday morning. " it came off harder than she intended but she could not help it.  
Ever since that talk in the restaurant the atmosphere between them was tense.

Partly she blamed it on being on the run and she knew that she was stressed which she now let out on Red.  
And Ressler.

When she told him to back off.

She didn´t mean it like that. She was well aware that he risks his job for her.  
And she knew his job was hunting her,

She was scared.So scared.Because she knew him. He would not give up. He wanted answers and he was willing to get them.  
And he was good, really good.

Sooner or later he would get her simply because she could not take it anymore.  
She was not someone for the run.

And she missed him.She missed working with him. Sure, Red´s trick with sand was impressive. It reminded  
her of one of the old movies she had seen with Sam.

But he could not replace Ressler´s pure presence. They had become pretty good partners.  
While her personal life was going worse her work relationship was becoming better with every case.

They knew they could trust each other and it was not the first time she dreamt of him. She stopped denying it.  
There was something and lying about it just made it worse.

Oh and her kiss made it more complicated, god he must felt like she used him.

But she didn´t. She didn´t know what would be worse.

**" What´s going on in that pretty head of yours? Don´t tell me you think about him. I  
told you you need to let him go. Think of him like he is just another FBI Agent" **

Okay if he wanna start a fight in the car.

**"But he isn´t, okay.? You said it yourself he was trying to save me. He is a good person and he is ... was my partner.**  
**If you are really that good in reading persons like you always say, you should see that he is not the same  
** **person who hunted you."**

**"Liz, what´s up are you on your"**

It was then when she lost it and **Stop the car !**

 

**Liz we can´t just -**

**Stop the friggin car , Red.** she said and he did like he was told.

She stepped out the car and out in the crisp morning airs.

**"You don´t get it don´t you ? I am not like you"**

**"Lizzie, nobody is like me "**

**" I am not here because this is some kind of game of goddamn road trip to me. This is my life**  
**and I want to get it back. I want to get back to the Post Office. I want to get back to Coopers annoucement´s.**  
**I want to get back to Amar´s shitty jokes and his and Samar´s moon eyes. I want to get back to the damn**  
**elavator and I want to get back to my partner.Why can´t you understand this."**

****

Red realized that he had missed something between them.There was something and he had completly missunderstood  
and misinterpretated it.

**"Lizzie, I understand that this is difficult.But how do you think I survived 24 years like that.**  
**Ressler is just a distraction. He is the FBI and it will get to him sooner or later**.  
**Of course he is trying to save you. I know that. I know he cares. He cares a lot.**  
**I just wanted to protect you because being on the run is difficult."**

**"You think you know him but you don´t. I told him to back off because he is trying to get me and YOU back.It can get him fired  
and I am scared because he is good and he risks his goddamn career for someone like us like me. I-I..." **

**"Liz, Liz , calm down. I understand. Please go back in the car. We have to go. I promise it will get better."  
**

She didn´t know about that little phone talk Don and he had a few days ago.  
He knew all of that above.  
But she needed to be strong if she wanted to go back if she wanted to survive.  
But maybe he didn´t need to break that between her and Ressler.  
Maybe he just got a whole bunch of new possibilities. 


	4. Empty world

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically Ress being not able to deal with the prospect of living in a world without Liz.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Starts somewhere in Arioch Crain (3x05). I mean this was straight outta fanfiction.  
> ( Because of school this is rather short but this episode just needs to be written down) 3x4 will get an one shot if I have the time)  
> Listen to Ed Sheeran´s Photograph and please leave some feed back.  
> My edit for this chapter can be found on tumblr: superjurassicblacklistworld  
> or on Instagram: jmo.the.prickly.emma.swan

_So you believe she is innocent? Yes, I do_

Finally he said it out loud. Reven told him to keep his opinions to himself but he couldn´t hold that  
back.  
He had to admit that Chairman made him nervous. He didn´t like courts, he was better in the field where he could actually  
do something. Here, he could just talk and had to be careful with every word he was saying.  
But he promised Red - and basically Liz too - to give her the benefit of every doubt.  
And that he did.

He didn´t just believe she was innocent. He _**knew**_ she was.

But why the hell didn´t they go after the Fulcrum Lead. He didn´t get it.

When they were finished, he went to the bathroom and put some cold water in his face, he needed to think.  
It were five weeks now. Five weeks, five different cases, five different psychotic criminals.  
And he was not closer to clear her name than at the beginning. Instead he feared for her her.  
Everyday they didn´t got her was a day she could get killed, a day he could lose her forever.

But he wasn´t prepared that it would happen today. He still was in the bathroom of the court when  
he heard the news trough one of the trashy speakers in the restroom: _And we are just now getting reports that former FBI_ _Agent Elizabeth Keen has been shot and killed_

They always say that it would feel like your heart would stop beating for a second when  
you hear something like that. Ressler didn´t believe that but when he fully understood the announcement  
he felt what they meant.

No it couldn´t be true. 

There was no way that she... 

She couldn´t be ... 

He couldn´t have lost her.

He knew what he was doing. He had seen it a thousand times before. Liz  
even told him how it was called, the forensic term for it.

On a crimescene, just a short time after he told her how he felt about profiling.  
Ressler barked something at her and didn´t really listen what the word was.  
When he turned around he saw that he hurt her and murmured something like ´Sorry`.  
The slightest smile he got from her at this day kept his heart warm that night.

It was the first time he started to notice how beautiful she was.

She was beautiful and now she was gone.

But through the whirl of his thoughts he also heard : _No comment yet from the FBI_

That gave him hope because it meant Reddington hadn´t talked to them yet ,  
he knew that Red would inform them about that and it would be last thing they heard from him.

So he clinged to the fact that there still was the possibility this was some cruel trick  
or a nightmare.

From one second to the other he could move again and bursted trough the door.

He almost slipped on the sleek ground of the courthouse and made his way towards the exit.  
He needed to get to his car.

Somewhere behind him he heard Reven shouting something like : **" Agent Ressler: Stop."**

But of course Agent Ressler didn´t listen and made his way trough the crowded hall.

Finally out of that hell house he sprinted towards his SUV. But before he could start his car  
his gaze landed on the screen of a TV. It showed the worst picture imaginable.

Liz laying on a white ground which was stained with too much crimson red blood.  
Her blood. 

He closed his eyes tried his best to hold back the tears but one escaped his eyes and fell onto his arm.

He needed to get to the post office as fast as possible. The traffic rules be damned.

Finally he reached the garage of the Black Site and mindlessly parked his car.Then he shot the door  
of his FBI car so loud, that the guards at the elevator jumped a little bit.

Ressler didn´t need to show his badge, the guards knew him, he worked here since almost eight years.

He was alone in the elevator and he felt very sick. What if he had too much faith. What if..  
But then the doors opened and he was greeted by Samar and Aram and he followed them without a word or protest to  
their office.

**"She is not dead"**

And he was never happier to hear something coming out of Aram´s mouth.  
He could have cried because of happines.  
Ressler barely listened when the two told him what actually happened.

**"I thought you'd be furious."**

No he wasn´t furios. Not at all. He was scared, scared to death because  
today he really thought he would have lost her. He didn´t want to go back to the drug junkie  
self destructive weird ass he has been and still was.  
Because he couldn´t do it without Liz. The reason he was getting help at the first place, a drug junkie  
couldn´t save a Russian spy, right ? 

**"You know what I am? I'm scared, because for a minute, I thought Keen was gone.  
I thought that, uh" **

As happy as he was that Liz was "save" he thought he would explode when he  
saw the Director and Chairman in _**his**_ office.

Something was off with them. He didn´t trust them and now should he work with them?!  
Was everyone insane? He even would prefer Tom to them.

_"And if I'm not willing to cooperate? Then you'll be replaced by someone who is."_

This was it. His worst fear. If he does one mistake he is gone and neither Liz nor Red would be coming  
out alive.

He want to scream. He wanted to punch that sickenly sweet fake smile off Chairman´s face.

But he needed to stay calm. 

**"Of course you can have a tour"** he said in his best Reddington imitation. Two can play this game.

When he later finished his paperwork, grabbed his jacket and left his bureau he knew he had one last call  
to make today.

( At Ressler´s Apartment)

As soon as he reached his appartment he got out of his suit and changed into something more comfortable.  
It was then when he picked up his phone.

He stared at the black screen. His phone felt like it was burning a hole trough his hand.

When he turned it on he realized that he never deleted Liz contact. He still had it.  
Maybe - just maybe he could still reach her.

He dialed the number - the wait between was hell.  
Then she answered. Well tried to because before she could say a word Ressler bursted out 

**"Do this never again, Liz"**  
On the other end he heard like she was taking a deep breath. He died to hear her voice again, it had been days.

**"You know I had to. And you - you have no damn right to be furios"**

Shit. He didn´t want her to be angry. And he wasn´t furios. Well maybe he was because no one  
told him anything and the second time in life he went trough hell.

 **"Liz I have every right to... Damn it... I just"**

Then the connection went off 

**"You what Ressler"**

"And at the same moment on the other end of the connection:

**Liz ?! "**

In that moment she made a split second decision.She grabbed her sweater and ran to their car  
where Red was currently on the phone informing him about Dembe´s state.

 **"Red, I need to see him now, please"**  
Liz didn´t need to say a name. It was Red he knew about whom she was talking.  
They started to drive towards a meeting point, obviously Red and Ressler had met their before.  
But suddenly the car stopped.

 **"Liz , I-I still don´t know if that´s a good idea"** Red spoke into the silence of the car.

 **"Please, he- he needs to see that I am alive. He thought I would be dead"**  
With that they headed towards the park were they had been earlier this day.

Under a lamp post she could see a person, hands in the pockets of their jeans and he had his back turned towards them.  
But in the light he could see the fair hair. No doubt it was Ressler.

He had realized that someone was coming and turned around. When their gaze met so much was exchanged between  
but none of it found it´s way out, just 

**"Liz"**

**"Ressler"**

Then he made a step towards her, closed the distance between them and hugged her tightly.  
For a moment he was scared she would pull away but she didn´t. She needed this as much as him.

**"I thought for a moment that - I - I thought I would have lost you"**

At the thought, that **_Director_** Donald Ressler was truly  
worried about her, cared about her , her heart swell and she began too cry because she deserved none of it.

And again Ressler pulled her into hug. **"Ress, you.. you I need you to stop worrying about me. I - I don´t think  
** I deserve it" but Don just grabbed her tighter and whispered into her ear **"You do derserve it. But you need to go."**  
**"Stay safe and tell Red that the Director is watching. He will know. Go!"**

Liz looked him in the eyes on last time, saw the tears in his face and dissappeared into the darkness.


	5. Prey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kinda based on the Director Episode. Slight changes. Kinda fluffy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter doesn´t really matter in this. This is losely based one the none existing time line in Blacklist. Next chapter contains "shocking material" so please give some feedback one this one.

This was how it was going to end. She knew it as soon as she heard the sirens. At this moment everything turned upside down. And she just ran. Did she have a chance? She highly doubted it. But her fight or flight reflexes clearly said flight. 

And so she flew over the ground, the forest, the sky blurred together and dissappeared. Her mind said RUN RUN RUN and she didn´t look back not once.She didn´t need to. Liz knew he was coming closer because he was faster than her and as so often stronger than her. But she couldn´t stop running.

Her heart was beating so fast she thought it would stop right there and her lung felt like she drank a bottle of gasoline. One second later she hit the ground and felt Ressler´s weight on top of her. It felt like the sky fell down, ready to end her right there. It took everything in her not to cry. Not to scream at his face mirroring her desperate expression.

Did he really raise a gun at her ? Was he serious? He wouldn´t shoot her … right? **You wouldn´t** the words just tumbled out of her mouth. **I would. You know I would**. Of course he would. Why wouldn´t he. Because of me. 

This thought had occured her mind before. Even though she was fully convinced he was a good person when she told Red Ressler was no robot, she never really knew what he was up to. He knew his work was important to him and still Liz always wondered why he helped her , well on his own way.

It wasn´t like she deserved it. SHE was the reason he had to deal with this whole situation, couldn´t do his job like he would. She knew she conflicted him. She would break him. Like everything around her was going to crash and break down eventually. All her life she had this golden thumb.

Liz barely took notice of her surroundings when Ressler brought her to the waiting SUVs. As soon as the other FBI Agents saw him and his „prey“, they congratulated him like she was some kind of deer he had shot. A few of them even applauded him but the majority of the Agents just turned their head down, too ashamed. She recognized a few of the faces from former cases. 

If Resslers grip wouldn´t be like steel, her legs would have already given up. As she stumbled a few times, his grip became even harder. He didn´t hurt her no, not a bit. He stabilized her. Like he always did. 

When they finally made it into SUV, she caught a glimpse of Dembe who had to be hold down by three man otherwise he would have taken this whole task force out. She felt even more awful for putting him into this. He didn´t deserve it. 

For the second time she feared her heart would stop. Ressler would take this ride with her. Liz felt like she couldn´t breath anymore. Anyother Agent would have been no problem. She could deal with a few rookies judging her but sitting in a car, for two hours with the man who should hate and despite her, the man who was still healing from a horrible loss – she didn´t know how to stay strong.

It was like someone turned off her brain, there weren´t even enough words to build a single sentence. But what she didn´t know was that even trough Red wasn´t in the car with her , he still watched over in no other form then Donald Ressler. 

Red knew the exact coordinates, when they would stop, route changes – everything. After the last events that went down rather badly he decided he needed a side kick. He was no team player by any means but he couldn´t get Liz out of this without help. Today would decide what kind of man Donald Ressler was. Oh how Red hoped he wasn´t wrong about Donald. 

 

Back in the car, there was no word spoken just an occasional order was heard trough the radio. She realized they were coming closer to the city. Closer to home? But what even was her home these days. Suddenly she began to shake. She could not handle this. She wasn´t ready to face this. She wasn´t Masha Rostova or her mum. She was Elizabeth … Elizabeth who? She was nobody. A ghost. 

The more they drove in to city center, the crowd became larger and larger. DEATH SENTENCE FOR ELIZABETH KEEN – ELIZABETH KEEN DESERVES TO DIE – TRAITOR – MURDERER . All these angry people. 

The car had to slow down because of the ever growing crowd. They started to hit against the window with their fists. They even begun to throw tomatoes, beer bottles and stones against the car. She suddenly realized that the vest Ressler put on her earlier were for her protection. The people wanted her dead. She would die. Because nobody could help her out of this. She didn´t even had a will. **Ressler , I don´t have a .. a will**

 

 **Liz .. you don´t need one , okay .. the ...FBI will protect you** he said with desperate voice. **You can´t guaranteer it can you ?** she said quietly. **Give Agent Keen a pen and paper** Ressler said to one of the armored guards sitting in the car. **I am not allowed to, Sir** the man answered. **Just give her the goddamn paper** Ressler said. 

Every pen stroke she made felt like a punch in his face. She was right. The FBI couldn´t protect her. But he.. well at least he could try. With those big blue eyes of hers, looking more like scared child than a woman who had been to hell and back, she gave him the note and handed him the pen over. **I promise you I will give it back to you. You won´t need it** . She said nothing. The fear now crystal clear present in her eyes. This was not the face of a mass murderer goddamn it. He felt like he needed air.

And suddenly they stopped. One could see that the fear in her eyes turned into straight panic.  
**I will protect you. That´s my choice. And I will get you out Liz, but you need to keep calm, can you do that for me, … _Elizabeth?_** For a minute they were out in the open, the people screaming and throwing things,everything transformed into a blurr again. And five minutes later Liz found herself in a prison cell. **Don´t worry I am not leaving, can´t leave my friend alone, right?** **Ress...** she whispered clearly choking back tears. **Liz I said I will protect you so that´s what I do. You can rest, big day tomorrow**

How could he do it, Liz asked herself. Shouldn´t he be angry and cold as stone towards her? Was this some kind of game ? But he was right she needed the rest.  
And if they both hadn´t been so caught up in each others pure presence they might have seen the camera moving into position and one of the guards silenty changing place with another. Things had been brought into motion with concequences neither Liz nor Ress could think of by now...


	6. Lost it all

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What could or should have happened. I tried

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Didn´t quite nail Red  
> Might be out of character sorry

**“So I assume it is Tom´s child?"** Red´s question burned inside her brain. He assumed?  
As far as she knew Raymond Reddington never assumes anything when it comes to her?  
He couldn´t knew about this, could he? On the other hand he was still Red. And even if he said he would respect her privacy this man knew more about her than herself. And Liz was also aware of the hate he felt for Tom. 

**“Red...”** she started but shut her mouth the next second. In a split second she decided to tell him the truth. It was the least she could do, because in a way he had protected her and her baby and even if Red was not honest with her all the time, she was sure it was the right thing to do and he deserved to know. 

**“Red, what I am about to tell you now, can´t leave this room. Probably never. Please. I can understand if you .. well if you don´t like the news but it .. it´s important for my child. But you deserve to know and I... I need your help to protect the baby … and the father... please help me to protect Ressler.”** And with that tears started to roll down her cheeks. For weeks she kept that secret deep in her heart and avoided to think about it most of the time. She only had admitted to herself but speaking it out loud made it … real. She was having Ressler´s child and he could never know. She opened her eyes and looked at Red. He hadn´t said a single thing which was surprising. This man barely kept his mouth shut. 

**“This just keeps getting better”** he finally said. What?  
**“Lizzie you are aware of the fact that this is the worst timing ever? The Cabal is still out there and they won´t stop just because you are expecting a baby. Ressler being the father just makes it more complicated. Is he aware of the situation. No he isn´t I wouldn´t be sitting here if he were. Does Tom know?”** When Red realized she was crying he knelt before her. **“Lizzie, dear stop the crying. But you need to tell me everything. Why do I need to protect Agent Ressler?”**

Mascara running down her cheeks she tried to get her emotions in order. Why was this so much scarier than some goddamn cabal. **“Because of me”** she said finally. **“Remember a year ago, after Tom beat me up and I wanted more information than you gave me? Well I, I once helped Meera with a thing or two and she gave me some contacts who according to her are experts in finding things and people, even better than you – no offense- when you pay the right amount of money.”**

**“I was so angry at you because of the thing with Sam so I contacted a few. What I didn´t knew was, that Tom had somehow found a way to observe me the whole time, contacted the people first and obviously paid the better money so they betrayed me and I ended up with Tom pointing a gun at my head. After I shot him and brought him to this damn boat I located the only contact who was not corrupted by Tom simply because he was even better at hiding than finding things and not even Tom was able to contact him.”** A little bit of pride swung in Liz voice when she said that. 

**“Then Tom murdered the poor man on the ship and when I let him go his contacts where back on track, followed me all the time without me noticing a thing. I was so stupid and naive and well then there was my birthday. You told me to imagine a life without Tom and I did.”**

She closed her eyes when the memories of that evening with Ressler flooded back into her mind. She thought of the wine and the food, the shared laughter and feelings. Somehow they ended up on the desk in their bureau his hands in her hair and lips furiously dancing with each other. Due to the wine both of them had drunk they thought it would be the best to take a taxi. But they couldn´t keep their hands of each other there was too much of held back feelings and they ended up in his apartment, clothes all over the floor and tangled up in his bed. 

She woke up when the sun was falling trough the window and gave Resslers hair a golden look.  
He was still fast asleep holding her in his arms and she couldn´t help but wonder if he would regret it as soon as he woke up. Not even a minute later he was awake, realizing who was lying next to him and smiled. Something she had missed on his face for a long time and she couldn´t help and smiled back. “Good morning” he had said, had kissed her on her forehead and she almost melted when she looked into his eyes. Over the best breakfast both them had in a long time, they decided to take things slowly and keep it professional. 

Red who was watching her carefully noticed how even the thought of this memory calmed her down immediately and didn´t fail to notice the small smile on her face. And in the end that was all he wanted for her. 

__Liz continued to talk. **“Tom´s contacts had observed us the whole time.** She shook her head. **Do you remember the cameras installed in my home? When I was in Resslers apartment I noticed at least one. I- I didn´t told him. I called my contact to look for more while we were in the Post Office. He found five. Two of them in his bedroom. Then when you got shot, Tom contacted me. He said he didn´t want to do this but I would leave him no other choice. If I wouldn´t tell Ressler it was a mistake we slept together he would have to start to make things right. Call me stupid or childish but I told Tom to go to hell and that I wouldn´t to a damn thing he said. And then the whole thing with the cabal started and when I was framed I knew it was Toms work. He wanted me back and this is his way to show it. He is the cabal or at least he is working for them. My only advantage was and is that he he isn´t aware of the fact that I know about everything. To this time I was already … well I knew already I was pregnant but I realized that if Tom ever found out he would kill Ressler or the baby so I slept with Tom ... told him I still loved him. I didn´t want to but it was my only chance and now Tom thinks he is the father. And he won´t hurt me or the baby because he thinks he is in love with me and we would have a chance.”** __

At this point Red stopped her. **“Thinks?”** He asked. **“Well I am … I was a profiler and let´s just say it like that. He is not capable of stable relationships. He has a personality disorder and is all sorts of fucked up. He is not able to be a father or a husband. He needs help. And I know what I am doing is neither right nor fair and doesn´t make me a better person than him. But I am not able to keep this secret forever. When the baby is born I have no doubt he will find out it is not his. And he will make sure to get Ress out of his way. He thinks if he kills Ressler or the baby I would come back to him.**  
That´s why I accepted him back in my life. Why I accepted his proposal and why I am trying to keep my distance to Ress because all I brought into his life up until this point is chaos and destruction. He doesn´t deserve any of it. But I can´t tell him it is his baby. He would do everything to protect us but the Cabal will kill him. I can´t let that happen. I can´t lose him like that.  
That´s why I need your help Red.” 

Red looked her in the eyes. **“Thank you for telling me all that. I can´t imagine your pain and I am very sorry for the circumstances you are currently living in. But you need to tell Agent Ressler the truth. You told me he is a good man and I have convinced myself of that, too.He is worthy of raising that child. He deserves to know he is becoming a father, don´t you think?”**

**“No, Red … I can´t do that. He … I don´t even know what he thinks of me. First I sleep with him and now I am back with Tom? He thinks I used him. He thinks it is Tom´s child. I can not tell him. He probably doesn´t even wants to be with me and I don´t think he wants to become the father of a criminal´s baby.”**

**“Lizzie, darling even a blind can see what he feels. And he sure as hell wants to be a father.**   
**Sooner or later you have to tell him because when your child comes out with ginger hair you gotta explain a thing or two. Don´t do this to him.**   
**If you want to make this right by him you will tell him the truth.”**

 

With that he gripped his fedora and left her bureau.

 

 

 

And for one bittersweet minute she allowed herself to daydream. Waking up next to him every morning while their little baby girl was already wide awake in her crib, giggling and brabbling.  
A single tear rolled down her cheek. What had she done.


	7. Gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I tried to do my best to nail pretty boy Ress this time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because they "killed" my fav character Liz I was super unmotivated to watch the episodes so I didn´t. I made this up from what I have seen from the GIF`S on tumblr. I already have something in mind for the next chapters. Chapter 8 will be Red, Ress and Facob/Tom centred. AS ALWAYS I AM A SLUT FOR REVIEWS

Everyday she is out there is a day we could lose her. These words he had said months ago now echoed in his head.  
Goddamn it, he hadn´t seen it coming. He was blended by his anger and stupid jealousy and didn´t pay attention.  
Liz never was back, not really. From the moment she was back in the Post Office she was on the next run and go.  
But he had been so happy to have her back, he missed the signs.

She never brought back her `I love Nebraska` cup which she had always kept somewhere in their office.  
Sam had given it to her when she came home for two days after being gone for three months when she was in college.  
Liz had told him that Sam had the talent to even turn such a random thing into something emotional. He had told her always to remember where she came from and who she truly is.  
It had gotten late on that day, the only light in their shared office came from a small lamp on the desk but her eyes seemed to lit up the whole room even more when she told him this story.  
Of course he had kept that thought to himself but he had sworn on that day to help her to stay herself.  
Not a criminal.

But then hell was breaking lose and he felt like he let her down.

When he finally had her back- she wasn´t back at all. Not even months later she was engaged again with Tom but he hold himself back, didn´t mention his suspicions and kept his distance.Even though his jealousy grew every time Tom was mentioned and when she found out she was pregnant he distanced himself even more.  
Tried his best to not to be with her in the elevator at the same time,just spoke with her about necessary things to get the job done.

Sure, he felt her confused looks when he brushed her off but at this time he had thought it would be the best thing to do. It didn´t help when he started to dream about her.Dreams that were either bittersweet or ended with her getting shot and dying in his arms.  
Boy, how fucked up was he?  
And then the wedding. It just seemed so rushed in retrospect. Sure they couldn´t do something big with the cabal still being active but all in all they planned this wedding in what – two weeks or so? Not that he was keeping track.

And now Liz was dead. She had a beautiful daughter and Liz was dead. She would never see her.

It just felt so surreal. He didn´t even know if he felt anything.

After his break down in the court when he thought she was dead for the first time he had expected to feel the same. Anything. Anger. Sadness. Desperation. Pain. Fear but he was simply numb.  
He had lost her one time too much and she took everything from him.

If anyone would accuse him now of acting like robot he wouldn´t blame them. Something else had taken control of him, everything he did was kinda mechanical. Helping Red. Comforting Samar. Comforting Aram. Getting back in the car. Driving back to the post office.

Breathing. Thinking.

Shit.

He was so close to stop himself from going to the funeral. He could go later. In private just for himself. What he wanted to tell her, was a thing between them and no ones business.  
Why go to funeral which was just like the others he had to attend several times because life was a cruel bitch and always took the best people first. Long answer short – because it was Liz.

And so he went to this goddamn funeral. He was one of the last one to arrive – the task force was there already.  
He was wrong. It wasn´t a funeral like all the others. It was a torture. It was a feeling he had no words for. He knew it was wrong but when he saw Tom he wished it would be him who was laying in the casket. A dark part of him blamed Tom for Liz Death. He knew he should be sorry for the man who now had to deal with the loss of the love of his life and had to take care of their daughter. But he wasn´t. Goddamn this man had laid hand on Liz. He didn´t care about Tom.

He promised to himself that he wouldn´t cry. He could cry when he was home alone maybe with a bottle of beer. But here he would honor Liz. The best partner he ever had. They had their ups and downs for sure. They fought together but they cried and laughed together just as much. She was stronger than she had believed and sometimes when they were out in the field together he had the naive feeling that together they could defeat everything. She always made it feel like it was worth something to get almost killed like three times a week. And he wouldn´t cry about that.

He didn´t know exactly how much time was passed until he was somehow back in their office.  
Theirs. Now it was only his. And in only a few days it would belong to him and his new partner.  
He wasn´t ready. Yes they needed someone new – a new profiler or agent but why for him?  
They could get a new partner for Samar. Honestly he didn´t want to be put up with someone new.  
Not again. Maybe he should think about that job offer from the CIA again. It looked pretty good.

A new start.

When he looked at the clock again it was 9pm already and he decided to go. He got his things and turned of the lights in their office.  
Somehow he found a way to avoid the rest of his team, make it to the elevator and to his car.  
Before he could start his car, he needed to take a few deep breaths. _Come on, Ress you can do this.Cry at home._

Finally leaving the garage of the post office and being out on the streets he let him breath easier.  
It was a tad cold outside but he needed the fresh air. He needed to think and for a minute not about Liz. It failed.  
He planned to go home and go to bed. Forget everything while being asleep. He really wanted to but not twenty minutes  
later he found himself at the gates of the cemetery. This would gonna be a problem.

He got out of his car and made it to her grave. Well more privacy he wouldn´t get.  
It felt a bit weird to stand here. Who was he to be stand here in the middle of the night.  
Did he ever know her really? Even if his mind questioned it he knew he did deep in his heart.  
He knew everything about her that was important.

Everything he got to know about her was like a detail added to a picture to make it more complex but the things that really mattered were always there. From the second he got to know her to the second he had lost her. And he may be damned but this picture was not complete at all.

**Uh...well Hi Liz. It is me … Ressler. I just wanted to say … well I just … Damn it-**  
**I am here because I wanted to say goodnight. It has been a damn long day without you.**  
**No Idea how I will survive the other days. The others they – they miss you too but**  
**you know I might quit … I am done and I can´t do this without you okay? I try but you know when I lost Audrey you were there... always. I could count on you but now you are gone too. Got a job offer from the CIA ... I know the CIA is well the CIA but … Meera´s former partner...forgot his name … reached out to me. They have a task force too ... The offer still stands and I need a new start. By the way I took Hudson in... hope that works for you. Tom is … well he needs to take care of your baby girl.**  
**She is so gorgeous and looks just like you. I know I … I should have told you this earlier but you seemed happy with Tom and I didn´t want to ruin this for you.Your birthday. I wish it had never ended... I lo – I wish you were here. Say hi to Audrey from me …**

It was 0.01 am when he left the cemetry.

Because there were tears running from his eyes and he felt sick and dizzy he didn´t see  
the person standing not even 20 feets away from him. Well okay they could be dismissed as the average goth hanging out on a cemetery – which by the way they haven´t done once – this was their first time and certainly their last because holy shit it was cold as hell and not even the five coffees they had drunk could help against tiredness they were feeling. Oh boy there new boss had some serious problems.


	8. Cry Baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter actually wasn´t planned that way but here we are. Maybe Ress gets to meet his daughter in the next chapter lol. Reviews always make me happy.

Tom looked at clock. It read 3 am. The child slept since two hours. Finally he thought because the majority of time the little girl was on this earth she had cried. The nurse had said it was because she missed the warmth of her mother, had laid the child in his arms and left the room. To him it felt like she had laid a ton of bricks in his arms so he placed  
her in the little bed. She stopped crying for the first time when Samar arrived. 

It was his child but he didn´t know what to do with her. He hoped she would sleep a lot more. He needed to think. This child should have been his second chance. It was his way to get back to Liz so he could be forgiven by his boss. He was lucky to still be alive and his life was just granted to him because his boss wanted the child. He wanted her to be raised as his most resourceful weapon.

Now he had to take care of a child. For brief second he had thought about ending her life. It was not to hard to fake the death of a newborn but something had stopped him. If he would kill the child his days would have been counted as well. He knew Reddington had people following him but he could do nothing about it because it would have drawn attention to him. He had already been at his mercy once and another time he wouldn´t survive. If he had killed the child either Reddington or his boss would kill him so this was not an option.

The crying started again. He stood up. Even in the dim light he could see the tears rolling down the girls cheeks. It was such annoying sound. He bound himself over the small bed and whispered some of the words Samar had used when she was here. It didn´t work. Damn it he needed her to stop the crying. A thought crossed his mind. Babies always cried when they were hungry right? So he just had to find one of those milk bottles and she would be quiet.

After a while he found a bottle. Samar had heated it up a bit so he did the same. He hoped it would work. **"Okay so here is milk. Please drink it and be quiet. This is yummy milk, just for you"** to his surprise it worked. She seemed to like the milk. After the bottle was empty and he wanted to lay her back down she spat what seemed like half of the content in his face. It was like someone pressed a button but suddenly he was about to explode and filled by an incredible anger. He laid her back into the crib and distanced himself from the bed.

He felt like he needed to punch someone. His whole body was shivering. He didn´t realize that he broke the milk bottle in his hands and the broken pieces were cutting the flash of his hands.

After five minutes he finally realized the pain in his hand and decided to clean up. The baby started to cry again. Come on she could not be hungry again. His gaze landed on the soother laying next to crib. It was yellow and Liz bought it just a week ago. The crying seemed to increase .God he needed to stop it made him insane. **Hey kid look at this , you will like it … come on open your mouth... come on!** He really didn´t want to hurt her but this crying was more than he could bear so slightly pressed his thumb and index against the cheeks of the baby which forced her to open her mouth. Finally he got the soother in.

He waited a few minutes but when she kept quiet he was almost proud of him. The kid was finally sleeping again. Mission accomplished. It was 5 am. He sat back in the uncomfortable chair and soon drifted back into sleep. 

An hour later he woke up again. Again she was crying, the soother fell out of her mouth and she didn´t take it back again. **No, no, no come on why are you doing this. I fed you. Be quiet** And in this moment he knew he couldn´t do it. He didn´t want to raise this child and he wouldn´t. He knew he could outran his boss. It was the way out he had given him. If he would give his boss all the information he had on Raymond Reddington he could go. He may not be the most honorable man on this planet but up unto today he always kept the information on this man to himself. It was his life insurance and the reason nobody could kill him but if he had to live trough another night like this he would go crazy. The child would not need him. Yes she would get into foster care but she would get a nice life. 

Not even five minutes he was gone and all one could hear on the children ward was the crying of little Agnes Keen. 

Two minutes later another person slipped into the room and picked up the crying girl. **„Okay Agnes you don´t know me but I am a friend. Well a friend of your mother but that doesn´t matter right know uh... I just wanna clean you up a bit and I am sorry but I have no Idea how that works so forgive me …. that mean man is gone by the way … don´t worry“**

**„Go away from that child“** a voice behind them said. They heard the clicking of a gun safety. **„Turn around“** They did as they were told and looked in the face of … their boss. Well on of them but he didn´t know that. **„Red, could you please be a bit more quiet. Agnes had enough trouble for today and probably the rest of her life“** As the so called Concierge of Crime realized who stood before them he immediately lowered his gun. **„Tay what are you doing here? I thought you were in Seattle? What happened“** **„ Long story short my girlfriend kicked me out and after I learned you became a grandpa I decided to pay you a visit. Congrats by the way. And I got news on Tom. So I followed him around. He such an assho- Sorry Agnes- … anyways I hacked the video surveillance of the hospital because Tom was here. At first nothing happened so I fell asleep. But then he suddenly left the room and I called you. I have distorted my voice because you can never know who listens.“** Red nodded when she told her what happened. **„So you were the caller.“** **„Yes anyways I am so happy to see you again. What will you do about Tom?“** **„Don´t worry I will handle the problem.“** was all he said. 

A few moments later the little group was out of the hospital and inside the car.  
**„Raymond do you want to get Agnes straight to Agent Ressler or do have you something else in mind?“** Red looked down at the little girl who was fast asleep in the baby car seat.„Well it is six in the morning so I think we should let Agent Ressler sleep a bit longer. Babies `R` us isn´t open yet so let us get back to the mansion first.“ with that Dembe started the car.  
**„You are in full grandpa mode, aren´t you“** asked Tay. **„Oh yes“** Red answered  
**„By the way who is this Agent Ressler“** asked Tay further.  
**„He is Agnes` father.“**

Tay wanted to be dropped in a seemingly insignificant neighborhood to meet some friends.  
**„Be careful Tay“** Red told her when she got out of the car. **„I always am Red“** she said. They were back at the when Dembe and Red noticed an unpleasant smell. „Dembe I think we need to stop at Isabella´s first. We need to get some tampers“ 


	9. Memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ressler, Red, Agnes, a lot of crying but not from the baby

His alarm read 6.45 am when Special Agent Donald slammed the button and turned it off.  
He noticed the cold in his room and realized he let the window open the whole night. Below the window it was wet. Apparently it had rained, the gray clouds which covered the sky just proved it.  
He sighted. In an hour he needed to be at the post office but for what? The one job the task  
force had right now was catch that bastard Solomon.

The man he could have killed. He could have killed this son of bitch and everything would have had a different outcome. Maybe Liz would still be alive. Maybe it was his fault she was dead. Just because he hadn´t killed Solomon and this was the revenge of fate. 

No. He could not think like that. If he had killed Solomon he wouldn´t be better than him.  
He could have lost his job and Liz would be dead anyway but in his head circled still that one question: „What if“. He shook his head. Thinking like that was pointless. It wouldn´t get him anywhere.

He stood up, went to the bathroom and took a cold shower. The icy water fully wakened his senses.

You know memories are a funny thing. They could come and go anytime. One could have good  
ones, bad ones, even embarrassing ones. There were the sad ones who could make you cry yourself to sleep, the memories who could destroy you in a way nothing else could. Memories were something barely anyone had control over. You couldn´t fight them and some of them stick with you your hole life. A sound, a place, a word or even a smell could bring back memories no matter how hard you tried to forget them. They would take you over over like a giant wave and there was nothing you could do about it.

And such a memory hit him painfully. He didn´t even know how but suddenly he found himself on the floor of his shower, crying about the loss of her. In his mind nothing else had room than the memory of that faithful night. The kiss which had changed everything and led to the night he had dreamed about for years. It sounded cheesy and cliche but when he hold her he felt like the missing puzzle piece found its place and his world was finally complete. He was content and truly happy that night, an emotion he hadn´t felt for so long. Touching her, feeling her was everything he needed. There had been no walls between them, everything they had thought, everything they had felt had been out in the open and they let go of everything they held back.  
In the morning when she still was in his bed when he woke up and he realized he didn´t dream he actually could see a future he was looking forward too. Sure they wouldn´t move in together the next day, they wanted to take it slow, to make it right but they both had wanted this.

And now this future was ripped from him again. He had been so damn close and again it was gone.  
Maybe something, someone up there was against him. Whatever sin he had done he hoped someone up there knew he was paying for it and it was tearing him apart. Simply hell on earth.

Slowly he felt like he could breath again and tried to stand up. He was shaking a bit but he was able to turn off the shower and get himself ready. It was 7.30 am. He would come in late. And for the first time ever besides when he took the pills he didn´t give a damn.

It was then when he heard someone knocking at his door. He was suddenly glad he was too tired when he came home to put his gun into his safe. He wasn´t expecting anyone. He swore to god if it was that idiot Randy from the apartment beneath him, he would get insane. 

**„Donald it is me. Please open the door and put that gun away. It is not a thing that should be around children at this young age. I come at peace my friend“**

Wait what. He was too perplexed to do something else and a minute later no one else than Raymond Reddington stood in his living room holding a baby car seat with... well a baby in it, sucking at her thumb and being fast asleep. It was Agnes. 

**„Red what did you do?“**  
Why on earth did he have Agnes.  
**„I mean I know you don´t like Tom but you can´t just steal his daughter. This is kidnapping, Red. Get her back!“**  
Ressler ordered.  
Red just looked at him with his typical all-knowing smile which indicated that there was more to this than his hate for Tom. Only this time there was a sadness in the mans eyes which made him look ten years older. He had seen what effect Liz Death had on Red.  
**„ Look, her death is difficult on all of us but … just bring Agnes back.“**  
Ressler tried again when Red didn´t seem to make a move.  
**„Oh Donald that is what I always admired at you. Your unbreakable righteousness. Always the one to do the right thing even if it brings yourself unbearable pain. It is rare these days“** Red said.  
**„Come on, man I need to get to work. I don´t have time for this“** Ressler was losing his patience.

 **„Donald I know you think not highly of me and I don´t blame you for that but for once in your life you need to see that this world is not as black and white as you want it to be. I did not kidnap Agnes, Tom or more accurately Jacob abandoned her at the hospital. I need your help to find him“** the older one explained.

Ressler needed a minute to process this and he sunk down at a chair. This man just abandoned his own child. How could one do this?

 **„Oh and Donald where can the movers place the crib?“**  
Red suddenly wanted to know.  
**„What the hell are you talking about?“** now he was totally confused.  
**„Please watch your language around the little one oh and well since you and Agnes will live together I figured I could buy some things. Look at it as sort of moving in present. Thank god for Miranda from Babies`R` us she is a real goddess.“**  
Reddington explained to him as it would be the most logical thing on earth.  
**„Red no. I – I won´t … I can´t do this. I am not the right one for this. I am no father. I can´t just take Liz child. I... I“**  
Ressler stuttered. He didn´t even find the words to explain what he felt.  
**„You will Donald. I know that deep down you do want her. Agnes couldn´t wish for a better man to be her father. I know about your feelings towards Liz and I do know about her birthday. And if you don´t believe my words then believe Liz`.“**  
With that Red passed him a small paper.

Ressler opened it and when he read the lines tears started to roll down his cheeks. It was Liz Will.

The only two sentences on the paper were:

_If anything happens to me and I can´t take care of my child I want Special Agent Donald Ressler  
to support Tom Keen in taking care of my baby. If Tom Keen acts irresponsible I want Donald Ressler to be fully responsible for my child and give her all my love._

**„Oh Liz...“**  
Ressler whispered. He buried his head in his arms on the table. He felt a hand on his shoulder. It was Red´s.

 **„So what do you think about saying Hello to Agnes. I am sure she will be happy to meet you.“**  
Red took the baby out of the baby car seat and placed her in Donald´s Arms. This picture made his heart ache. Donald was holding his own daughter and didn´t even know it. He was truly sorry for the man but he could also see that in the two minutes in which he hold the little girl Ressler already was a better father than Tom ever could be. It was a shame that he couldn´t be the bearer of the good news but Liz had forbidden him to tell Ressler the truth. Maybe one day he would find a way to tell him although for now it was enough to know that Agnes was where she belonged.

When the small bundle of life was placed in Resslers arms an incredible calm washed over him.  
Nothing mattered but the child in his arms. He knew that deep down he already had sworn to himself to protect this baby at every cost.  
**„Hey Agnes. I am Don. I will take care of you. I … I am a friend of your mom´s.”**

And even trough his tears he had to smile when she made some cooing sounds.

 **„Like I said Donald you two will get along splendidly. The movers will come soon so what do you think of going to the park. I have a stroller in the car.“**  
the Concierge of Crime suggested.

 **„I don´t know Red. You said Tom is out there. We need to find him.“**  
Ressler asked worried.  
More than ever he wanted some explanations from the man but he needed to think of Agnes first.  
A thought crossed his mind. **„Red is there a way we could get the surveillance of the hospital.Call Aram I might have an Idea.“**

 

**„That is what I wanted to hear Donald. But in my opinion we should go to my safe house.I have the feeling Tom wants to meet his boss and things could get ugly. And besides my house keeper there makes the best omelets I ever had.“**

 

When the little group left the apartment didn´t notice that they were watched all the time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am a mean bitch I know... let´s hope Donnie finds out he is holding his own child at some point


	10. Miss Julia Reed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I like to bring back minor characters. Please review

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do own nothing besides Tay. This is a filler chapter but it kinda is important to the story. I don´t know how i feel about this chapter but here it is. I have no Idea how Seattle looks like.

She had known it wouldn´t be easy. They had gone trough it so many times she had felt like the plan was the only thing on her mind – which was good. If she had thought about this whole … event just for a second too long she was certain she would have cancelled it. 

When Red came into the ambulance she had wished for a second she was dead for real. In the aftermath it was really hard to describe what she had felt and noticed. Mr. Kaplan had told her to imagine it like she was in a coma. The „medicine“ slowed down her heartbeat and her breathing and a hacker friend simply manipulated the monitors which displayed her vital functions. They just had a limited time frame because otherwise the drugs would either loose their effect or they wouldn´t have been able to bring her back. No one could be sure because she was only the second person on earth who used this.

A tiny part of her wished that would it have failed. She hoped that Red would notice she was fooling him. He noticed everything especially with her but this time it was different. Mr. Kaplan had showed the video footage to her. It was like she was watching a goddamn movie. Red he was genuinely shocked and devastated. He really cared about her.

Wasn´t it ironic that as so often you need to die first to realize who really is there for you in the end.  
She turned the video off when Ressler entered the ambulance. She couldn´t watch it. 

Now she sat in the back of an old, rusty truck on the way to a private airport and with any luck she would be in Great Britain in just a few hours. She looked at her her reflection in the rear-view mirror. Boy, that hairdresser was really good. It would take her a while to be comfortable with her new look but she would get along. Her hair was black now. Never again she would dye her hair blonde. Black was a lot more fitting. It was also longer god knows how the hairdresser had worked that out. Probably extensions. Then they had shaved half of her head. It was an odd feeling but at least she didn´t look like herself. The plan depended on that.

Elizabeth Keen didn´t exist anymore. She was Julia Reed from now on. She needed to remind herself every five minutes that it was the right thing to do. That her daughter had to grow up without a mother just like her was necessary to protect her. Never knowing who she truly is. Agnes would probably never know her real father. Did she even have a birth certificate? She had been in the life of her daughter for less than ten minutes and had already made a mess out of it. It was a real tragedy. She wasn´t a very religious person but she prayed that just for that one time Tom would be reliable. She had prayed her daughter was safe with him but she couldn´t be sure. So she had wrote her will. She had actually forgot about it after the prison but she just needed to know that someone would take care of her child.

She knew it wasn´t fair neither to Agnes nor to Ressler. If their lifes hadn´t been this fucked up Ress would probably take care of his son or daughter now. His and Audrey´s child. But if their life´s weren´t this fucked up Agnes wouldn´t exist. That one night would have never happened. Somewhere deep down in her heart she knew that it was worth it. All of it. She couldn´t be with her daughter and had lied straight into the face of the man who had willingly thrown himself between her and a bullet. It hurt and it felt she was stabbed a thousand times but she knew that for these two persons she would do anything. If it meant she had to leave their lives to protect them well it sucked but she would do it.Maybe it was for the better. Maybe she was the reason everyone and everything around her crumbled. She was like a wild fire she burned everything to the ground and all that was left when she was gone was ashes of the lifes she had touched.

 

 **„Ms Reed we need to make a change of plans. We can not guarantee for your safety in the United Kingdom anymore. Mister Solomon was seen with one of our handlers who were significant for the success of this mission. We luckily could arrenge to get you to a safe house near Seattle.“** suddenly the driver spoke up. This was no good sign she thought but she would just roll with it. What else should she do.

In her mind she went trough the whole plan again and again. They – Mr. Kaplan and herself had come up with it after she told Red she was pregnant. Liz concact – the same hacker who manipulated the monitors just happened to be an ally of Mr. Kaplan. The hackers name was Tay and she was not even twenty years old. Tay was also the contact who should look for more cameras in Ressler´s apartment and when she had found the footage she had noticed that it was also an trojaner that was connected to Ressler´s laptop. Tay had an hard time with decoding the thing because it used techology which wasn´t even on the market yet. Tay had said that it was probably CIA or another secret service. 

The fake dead was actually Liz Idea. She had come up with it when she sat in her office because she wasn´t allowed to work in the field anymore and had gone trough Red´s file to look for some connections. Five years after he had dissapeared some organizations believed he was dead. For two years nobody had heard or seen him. Not a single murder could be connected to him. Afterwards it had turned out that in this time he had carefully waved a network of lies and conspiracies and had used everyone and everything to his advantage. By then he was basically untouchable.  
The first person who had seen him again was no one else than Special Agent Donald Ressler.

Liz thought that when the Cabal thought she was dead which they had wanted all along they probably would start to make mistakes. Sure some of them would probably get suspicious without having seen a corpse but she just had to believe that even they had an achilles heel and should she find it so god help her she would burn them down. For that she needed her own network. She needed people who would be 100 per cent loyal. She didn´t need friends she needed allies. People with resources. Shouldn´t be that big of problem for the daughter of a spy. She just hoped that all that time she had spend in the presence of the „Concierge of Crime“ was worth it. 

**„I´m doing all of this for you, Agnes. Forgive me, darling“** she said into the silence.  
She looked out of the window. They were driving right into a thunderstorm, she could hear the thunder. In a short distance she could see the lightnings dancing over over the black sky, tearing it apart. That was exactly how she felt inside. In the back of her mind she made room for all her hopes and dreams. She needed to put them away, lock them away to work efficently. She wanted to destroy one of the biggest conspiracies in the history of humanity which meant she couldn´t start to cry about her daughter every five minutes and it meant there was no room for childish fantasies about the man she had no future with anyway. She needed to put all of it aside to stay focused.  
She wanted to get back to them one day which sadly meant she needed to forget about them.

 **„Miss Reed are you alright?“** she barely heard the voice of her driver. **„Miss Reed I am terribly sorry to wake you but you screamed in your sleep. We will change cars for the last two hours. We will soon arrive in Seattle to meet your contact.“**  
Only now she took notice of her surroundings. They parked somewhere in the woods. Next to the rusty pick up truck there was a another car. She didn´t recognize the brand but it was probably one of that cars your ordinary soccer mom used to go grocery shopping. They would blend in perfectly. That was all she needed, all she wanted. To just blend in, for once.The sky was coloured in a mixture of pink and orange and the sun was just about to rise. Beautiful she would have thought if she had an eye for it.  
This was her daughter´s first sunrise and it would be a wonderful weather today. Damn she needed to work on that whole putting hopes and feelings into boxes thing because she felt like the first tears were rolling down her cheeks. **„Miss Reed …?“** her driver asked.  
**„I´m fine.“** she cut him off. She got out the car and went straight to the new car. She didn´t have any luggage. No photos, nothing. All the money she possessed was already in the safe house. They had only been back on the road for two minutes or so when she took notice of a loud boom behind them. Birds were flying to the sky and she saw a gray cloud of smoke. The car she just had sat in was exploded. **„What the hell ...“** she wondered.  
**„All evidence that you are alive needs to be destroyed. The same car will never be used twice.“** she got informed.  
**„But doesn´t that draw attention to us? Someone could have heard the explosion.“** she questioned. Why did everything always have to explode. A minute later she could read on a sign: _Attention! This area is used for military training._ Clever she thought. 

Not even twenty minutes later they were back on the already crowded highway. She had already spotted at least two cars which were the same brand as the car they were currently using. They blended in perfectly. 

She looked at the clock in the car. 7.45 am. She had slept another hour. The adrenaline of the birth and everything that happened did really have left her body. Not even 24 hours ago she had given birth and now she started to feel it. She felt as if she had participated in a marathon and afterwards had been hit by a car which had dragged her with it for few miles. She barely could keep her eyes open and the skyscrapers of the city in front of her started to blurr. Shit she needed to stay awake.

Suddenly they turned right into a more quieter and a bit darker alley. It was this part of the city where you expected drug dealers, junkies and homeless people on the street but there was no one which calmed her not a bit.The walls of the buildings were filled with graffity. Not some stupid vandalism by fifteen year olds who tried to be cool no but actual art. It was pretty in its own way. And suddenly they stopped. **„We are at the safe house. Todays code is Romeo“** the deep voice of her driver told her. She almost choked. Then she was alone, the driver probably on his way to let the next car explode.

She took a closer look at the building in front of her. It was four storages high and looked a bit shabby. It was made of gray concrete and some of the windows were replaced by newspapers.  
She was half way around the building when she realized someone was following her. She turned around, punched them in the face and kicked the person into the stomach, pinning them onto the floor. She froze when she realized who her follower was – Ezra. **„Why do we always meet like this … Julia“** he asked with a smirk and gave her a hand.  
**„Woah, if we want to work together you need to stop to beat up my best people. Even though I have to say I quite enjoyed the show and he really deserved it. I am Tay by the way“** another person came out of … like nowwhere. Like she had told Red, Tay was the one contact not corrupted by Tom but although Liz had found her they never really met in person. She had worn a ski mask when they had met the last time and used a voice distorter. She was very beautiful in person and that was the last thing she said **„You are pretty“** before she sunk to the ground and lost consciousness.  
That little show had taken every bit that was left of her energy out of her.

She woke up to AC/DC ´s „Highway to Hell“ and the smell of coffee. Tay was standing next to the bed. It was 3am.  
**„Good you are awake. I didn´t want to hit you but you screamed in your sleep.“** she greeted her. **“Sorry, I –„** Liz started but suddenly she realized that her one arm was cuffed to the bed.  
**„Free me!“** she demanded. **„No. First you will answer my questions … Liz. Is that right? What´s the code? Who is Agnes?“** Tay wanted to now. Liz was too tired to protest. **„Romeo. Agnes …. she is my daughter.“**  
**„How old is she“** was the next question. **„A bit more than twelve hours“** and again she could feel the tears on her cheeks. Tay looked at her she seemed genuinely shocked. **„Shit. I – I am sorry. I just needed to be sure that you are really you.But listen, if you really want my help you need to tell me everything.“** she said while she opened the cuff. **„It is a rather long story“** Liz tried explain.  
She didn´t know if she was even able to talk about it. **„Well I do have plenty of time.“** the woman handed her a mug with coffee.


	11. Adoption

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry but I had this fluffy and cute head canon all week.

**„Goddamn it what is taking him so long?“** he groaned . Donald Ressler never being the patient one was unnerved to no end by this whole procedure. For two weeks he was now in Raymond 's safe house. For two long, exhausting weeks. Of course he knew that they needed a plan. One couldn't take down someone like Tom Keen and a whole corrupt organization by shooting every single of them down but still, in his darkest hours he imagined how he put a bullet into Tom Keen's head. He knew that it wasn't right and he felt guilty to even think about it. He didn't want to  
be that person. The good ones don't kill the bad ones, right? Well, at least not if it wasn't necessary. Should that bastard even think about coming close to Agnes, so god help him it would be the last thing Tom did. 

 

If he thought about it, he wasn't angry. He was freaking nervous. For an hour or so he had let it out on the punching back hanging in the garage of the safe house. For the first time in forever it wasn't a psychopath who made him furious. It was the bureaucratic burden. The bureaucratic burden of an adoption because of course the hospital realized someone stole little Agnes Keen from her bed and of course it all had ended in a middle sized catastrophe. Six hours long he had to convince what felt like thousands of people that he hadn´t stolen the kid. Even after they saw the video tape and Liz Will they had some doubts but after an anonymous tip – Reddington for sure – they had come to an agreement. He would officially adopt Agnes and everything was fine. 

 

On the one hand this wasn't even a question. Of course he would take care of her. Two minutes in his arms and he was totally in love with her. But an adoption would make real. She would be his child. Well in his opinion Agnes Ressler sounded way better than Agnes Keen. So he signed paper for paper. When he finally had Agnes back in his arms and thought they could leave. He had to sign like ten other papers including the condition to stay in town for two weeks and so he had stayed with Reddington protected by Reds task force and much to Red´s grudge the FBI´s task force. 

He had just left the house to go into the large garden of the mansion to take Agnes out side. For the rest of the time he had learned how to be dad. He had learned how to change diapers, how to fed Agnes, taking care of a baby in general. Two weeks later he felt exhausted and tired but also happy.

Agnes, she was a gift and he was beyond ecstatic to take of her. He had soon found out how to calm her because she could throw a tantrum when she was hungry. Especially when she was hungry. In cases like this he just needed to hum the first few lines of 'Somewhere over the rainbow'. 

 

She seemed to love the song, sometimes she even started to giggle when she heard the song. Soon he had found out why. Red and Dembe had cleaned out Liz' apartment and found the book 'The Wizard of Oz' with some notes inside for example ' Baby seems to like it when I read this' and next to the lyrics of the song a yellow note was attached which read ' Baby stops kicking when I sing'. On the last page he had found an ultra sound pic of Agnes ' Can't wait to meet you baby. Your mummy loves you'. 

 

That´s why Special Agent Ressler hummed and sometimes even sung 'Somewhere over the rainbow'. Because it calmed her and it calmed him too. He had done this for the last fifteen minutes and Baby Agnes who was now wide awake in her crib which was still far too big for her started to giggle. To him it was the most beautiful sound on earth. It reminded him of Liz' laugh. God he can´t remember when he jad heard it the last time. **'Well at least one of us has fun'** he said to her and picked her up.

 

**'You hungry, little one? You just slept for whole five hours which is in fact a new record and that´s more than what I got in the last two days'** he went to the kitchen and got a bottle with the formula. Agnes gladly accepted it and for the hundredth time he studied her face. She was practically a Liz copy from hair to toes. The few dark hairs on her head and her stunning blue eyes fascinated him to no end. 

 

A part of Liz would live on and that was what kept him going. Right now the baby in his arms also kept him from going insane because today was the day. The two weeks were up and today they would start their operation. Find Tom, Catch him and put him into jail. For this they still needed some papers. Red wanted to take care of it he had said when he left the house at 6 am. Now it was 4 pm and he wasn't back.

 

He actually thought about calling the man but then he decided not to. He was tired but Agnes wasn't. That meant another round of 'The Wizard of Oz'. He knew the book by heart by now but Agnes was the biggest fan on earth so of course he would read it again.

 

And that´s how Red and Dembe found them when they came back later that night, with a few cuts and some bruises. The sight to which they come home to just encouragement them to keep fighting. **'My,my,my what a sight. Dembe take a picture'.** It was beautiful, really. Mr. I-have-already-lost-the-only-thing-in-this-world-I-have-ever-loved was fast asleep on the couch in the living room. A top of him little Agnes who was asleep too. Physically they may not look a like but still the similarities were astounding. **' Should we wake them'** Dembe asked.

 

**'No, let them sleep, they will need it... but we should pack already. We stayed here long enough.**  
We should move. I think our house in Maine is perfect for our needs. We all could use some training. Oh and please send me the picture, Dembe.' Red closed the curtains and left the room.  
How he wished Liz could see that her biggest dream was coming true after all. She had a beautiful little family.

Hundreds of miles away, some where in Seattle’s darker alleys tears were running down Liz' cheeks.  
Tay had cracked and hacked – as she liked to call it – Dembes Phone so they got all the intel Red and Dembe got and just received the picture of Ressler and Agnes. It made her feel every emotion possible. She should be there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The big show down between Team Ressler and Team Ressler takes place in the next chapter and maybe Ressler gets an unexpected visit and the next existenial crisis. I AM A HOE FOR REVIEWS


	12. War Part I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have watched to many movies and not even I know what's going on. Tom is is his true self and Ressler is Superdad. Basically it is the foreplay you never wanted but you still get it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I promised the big show down happens this chapter but then I decided to make two chapters out of it. I can't wait to get to the fluffy and smuty stuff but before I can go there I need some reviews. Also this chapter is just as unbetaed as the others but it is like 1 am here and I am sorry. I need a beta.

**'It's time. Our only chance is success. One mistake and I don´t know if anyone will survive'** his voice was calm. **'Don't bring the AK 47. If they have a reason to believe we trick them, we will be screwed. Well actually I will be screwed but if I die you guys won´t last long either. The plan is easy. I am gonna meet my boss. His house is heavily guarded so don´t do anything stupid.'**

He could see his breath forming little,white clouds in the barely lit up ware house. Well actually it was more of a shack if you asked him. He pointed at the blue prints. **'Miro and Andrew will come with me. He knows both of them. That´s where I need Max and Spencer. This hell house is better prepared for an attack than then white house so we will not be a surprise. You have to be fast. All I need is the FBI Agent – and the child.'**  
the man ordered. 

His head was bald again and his tattoos were back. He looked up to the big screens of their current base where the reason for the biggest mission in his life was displayed. Special Agent Donald Ressler. Even looking at him made his blood boil. The pictures showed him over the course of months. At his apartment. At work. His men had even made pictures of the Agent while he was grocery shopping. They knew the codes for his E-mail accounts, the codes for his bank accounts, hell even his security codes for his mobile phone. Basically they knew everything about him. The last months he had spent analyzing the guys. He knew about Resslers habits and his likes and dislikes, his hopes and dreams.

 

Which, to be honest had been clear since the beginning so his own reactions after finding out that the Agent had slept with his wife surprised him a bit. It had been his wife. HIS. Liz had been his. She had belonged to him. How could she dare to sleep with someone else than him. He had made it clear that he was the man in her life. Hell, he had even put up with her stupid dog. He thought he had made it clear he belonged in her life when he put his name on the pro side of her list. It was a weird feeling to find out Agnes wasn't his. 

Apparently Liz hadn't been as naive as he had thought. Since she was dead the rest of her little family would have to pay. While Ressler had been a thorn in his side even before Liz had found about him and he now had the perfect opportunity to take care of him, he hadn´t been sure what to do with the child. At first he had planned to spare the child. It was a goddamn baby. But later he had thought about it again. Sure the girl was a baby now but she would grow up and start questioning her parents deaths. She would start looking and eventually she would find something, especially with Reddington around. 

He couldn't kill Reddington. He had tried it several times and at the end it was always him who nearly died. So the baby needed to disappear. No witnesses, no problems. The first rule. If the witness was a baby well that was sad but thats life. Kill or be killed – or have enough money.

 

 **'Jacob, how do you even know that they will be there?'**  
one of his men asked. **'I mean we tried to get into the system for weeks. It is encrypted with some serious CIA shit. Probably even better than CIA'**  
Jacob turned around. He wasn´t Tom anymore. Tom was dead. He layed an arm around the man.  
**'I know that they are at the house because even though I pay you guys I am the only one who gets his stuff done. My bitch had this conctact , she thought I didn´t know about. Well I let her believe it but Martin hacked the contact for me and what he found, well it is a true gold mine. What a shame he had to ask stupid questions.'**

 

In a matter of seconds he had got the man, his name was Gerald he believed, on his knees and pointed his gun at the man. **' Like I said don´t ask stupid questions.'**  
He pushed him back to the others, waiting for the next order. **'Get out of my sight. All of you.'**  
The men followed his order and after a few moments he was alone again. He felt like a kid on Christmas. He hadn't seen his real boss in years but he was the only one in their order who had even met him in person. It made him special. Sure he had been always teased about his secret information he had about Reddington but they all knew in the end they had to listen to him.

Again he went trough it all.  
Get into the mansion, get out of the contract and leave the order. While he would kiss his boss ass his men would get Ressler and Agnes. One could ask: Why all this effort? Well, Donnie needed to learn not to touch things that didn't belong to him. He deserved to suffer.

It was a pleasure to imagine the pain and the agony which would be displayed on his boy scout face when he would kill little Agnes right in front of him and then tell him that Agnes was his biological daughter all a long. Ressler would beg him to shoot him. Right at this moment, Donald was putting the child to bed. Five months he had to watch this shit already. Then, his thoughts wandered back to putting a knife right between the Agent´s eyes. His master always told him that next to the technique, the weapon was the most important thing to complete a mission. Personally he always had preferred guns over close combat but knifes, well they were just something else. 

 

It was an incredible sensation to feel the metal sliding trough the flesh of his victim and see their eyes widening in shock when they looked down to find themselves being impaled. He opened the large safe which was the center of ware house. It held a magnificent collection of weapons. Well, Special Agent Donald would have the honor to experience the pleasure of getting stabbed with a beautiful indian knife used in the 19th century. **'It is pay day Agent Ressler.'**

 

**In a safe house, somewhere in Maine, 6 pm**

 

 **'Donald, I think you beat that punching bag long enough for today. You could take out a whole task force even without Dembe... No offense my friend'**  
Red said to the two men in front of him. While Donald had worked on his close combat skills and was learning several kinds of martial arts, Dembe had concentrated on tactics. Basically he could read his opponents thoughts and could tell what their next move would be. Together with Baz' Team they were practically unstoppable.

 

 **'Besides, Agnes really wants your attention. Did you put something in her milk today?'**  
Ressler groaned internally. Not because of Agnes but because of Red. **'Red I put her to bed like an hour ago and I put the 'Wizard of OZ' CD in the radio. She should have slept till the morning. Did you turn on Vivaldi or however the guy is called again?'**  
he asked Red while he took Agnes in his arms. The baby seemed very amused with this whole situation and she started to clap with her little hands. 

**'He did wake you, didn´t he? Well, I am sorry to disappoint you but I will put you straight back into bed where you belong darling'**  
he told her. Of course she couldn't understand a single word but he had read that it was good for her development to talk a lot with her. Agnes only answer was a little yawn, adorable really. From the corner of his eyes he could see Red on the phone. It didn´t seem to be good news.

 **'Red... what is it?'**  
Baz, Dembe and the others came closer. **'Tay just called.It is happening today. Tom and his watchdogs are on the move. They are coming. We need to be prepared.'**  
they got informed by their boss.

 **'Dembe call Agents Navabi and Motjabai. They are informed about their tasks.'**  
Dembe nodded and left the 'gym'. The 'gym' was actually the basement of Red's Mansion, several meters underground. Next to the boxing rings and punching bags the weapons were stored. They could easily put up with the former post office.

 

 **Baz, you and your team be ready. Take as much of his minions out as possible.'**  
then he turned around and faced Ressler. **'Donald, we need to get Agnes out of here.'**  
he said.  
**'Red, I know we talked about it … but I – I can't just leave her.'**  
It made him sick to think about it. Nobody could guarantee he was coming back and while he wanted to solve this once and for all his priority was Agnes.

 

He didn´t want her to grow up like her mother, always questioning who she truly was. He looked at the little girl who was totally unaware of the danger she was born in. Sometimes when he doubted all of this, himself, Reddington, their whole plan, all he needed to do was look at her. A part of Liz lived on and Agnes deserved the best. She was worth every scratch and every broken bone. Ressler knew he had to follow the plan but it was incredible difficult to let her go.

 

The plan itself was good, really. Three of Red´s employees would bring Agnes back to Washington, to the new Head Quarters of the FBI task force. As far as they knew Tom just controlled a small group of mercenary soldiers and they just concentrated on their current location. 

 

A bird called Gina had told them Tom was trying to get out of his order and thats why he needed to meet the order´s leader, who just happened to stay at Red's mansion. He had seen the guy once or twice but just from a distance. The guy mostly stayed in his room, somewhere on the second floor. He hadn´t really got behind this order stuff and you-have-to-serve-me-stuff but he had understand that Tom had to offer something, a kind of life insurance to get out of this order. Nobody knows what it could be but all of them were aware that Tom needed to be caught. He was dangerous.

 

 **'Donald, I understand how hard this is, I truly do. No one wants to leave their children behind, especially not in such a situation but Agnes needs you. She needs you alive. I know you would die for her just like you would have died for Liz, over and over again. Trust me, I have seen it. I know you have loved Liz, Donald. Everyone knows it but the problem is, Tom knows that too. As far as I know, that little girl in your arms is the only weakness you have and he will use it against you. The safer our little sweetheart is the stronger you are.'**  
Reddington put a hand on Resslers shoulder. 

Sometimes he almost liked the guy, Ressler thought. Sometimes. For the last time he looked at Agnes who had despite of the noise and tumult around her fallen asleep and she looked completly content with herself and the world. He kissed her on her little forehead.'I love you baby.' Then he carefully placed her in Dembes Arms who would bring her away. He couldn´t stop himself from crying. 

The last five months had been a mix between a fairytale and a nightmare. On the one hand there was Agnes who really brightened up his life. He couldn't believe she was already five months old. She was extremely active and she babbled all day long. She really was a big fan of his funny faces which made him very proud and her favorite toys were: exactly Red's fedoras. As soon as she could grab something she got herself one his finest fedoras. When Red tried to get his hat back … well that tantrum was something to be remembered. 

 

Even though she was already totally spoiled by her 'grandpa' and possessed every toy imaginable, the fedora always was her favorite. On the other hand there was the constant threat trough Tom. Ressler didn't know if he still worked for FBI. Red had told him he had worked something out. Whatever that meant. 

 

For the past five months he had learned things that he thought would only be possible in movies. When he wasn't occupied with Agnes, he was in the gym. He had developed some serious sleeping problems. There were nights he barely slept more than three or four hours but he wouldn't take meds. He would get trough he had told himself. Most of the time passed out on the couch with Agnes in his arms or in her little bed. 

 

He knew it was supposed to be the other way around his presence should calm her but when he wasn't with her at night and could keep an eye on her he got nervous. Besides his constant worrying about Agnes safety there were .. well the nightmares. At first he thought he could put up with it. It were just dreams right? But after the fifth time he saw Liz dying in his arms he had enough. 

When he worked out a lot and was really exhausted he slept without dreaming anything so that worked. Sure it wasn't healthy but after a while he was afraid to go to sleep. Liz was branded into his mind and sometimes he looked at Agnes and all he saw was Liz. He saw her coming home from work, tossing her things away while little Agnes was running in her arms. He could see her smile and he knew she would have been an incredible mother. She had seen her around kids a few times. Her eyes had literally lit up when she was interacting with children. Even without having really meet her baby she had been a great mom. 

 

It wasn't fair and it made him furious. At the beginning it was a lot worse than now. At his first week in Red's mansion he had destroyed one of the punching bags and almost broke his hand when he used the wall instead. Dembe had found him like that. At first he had let him cry. He had let him scream and he had let him curse the world. When he was done, Dembe had started to teach him several breathing techniques and he had taught him how to mediate. At first it seemed silly to him but it really worked. 

 

Sometimes, late at night he still started to cry when he thought about her but he could now also remember some of their good times together. Just her birthday was banned from his mind. 

 

 **'Donald, are you still with me?'**  
he suddenly heard Dembe's voice again. Agnes was gone.  
He closed his eyes one last time, he thought of Agnes and of Liz and remembered why he was doing all of this. He put both of them in a box and put these far away to a much more happier place.  
**'Let's roll. This ends now.'**  
he grasped his jacket and his guns.


	13. War Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As he was laying there, bleeding out he could have sworn he saw a pair of the most beautiful blue eyes right above him. He saw a smiling, happy Liz. He really was dying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally got it done. I worked on this chapter for more than three days. It is long and it is confusing so please just ask in the comments if you have a question. This chapter is bit more brutal than the others so there is a lot of violence and swearing. TBH I don't like it.

He had been at this place so many times before it almost felt like coming home. A cold, sterile home. He had been close to death more times than he cared to count and more often than he liked to admit but this time it was different. The last time he was there he had almost died for his job and because he had done what was right.

This time he would die for real because he had wanted to protect and fight for the one thing in his life that was still pure and innocent, because this time he didn't want to let it go again and this time he was so damn scared of going and still he could nothing against it.

It was final and while the blood was sipping trough what was left of his shirt and the light but bullet proof jacket and his body was sliding down the wall in the filthy, rotten warehouse, the dust was dancing in the morning sun falling trough one of the few shattered windows and landed on a tiny, lifeless body. When the darkness finally took over him, his last thoughts were about her and all the things that should have been but remained a bittersweet fantasy.

TWO HOURS BEFORE

The air felt like it was filled with electricity. Through a window in the small room he could see the lights of a thunderstorm in the distance. A storm was heading their way in more ways than one.

Ressler felt the need to throw up but on the other hand he had the intense urge to burst out laughing. It was ridiculous. At this moment he was standing behind a secret door which led into the second largest room of their 'safe house' or as he liked to call it 'super-safe-princess-castle'. 

There was not much furniture or decor in the room, a table, a piano – cliche to be honest and for whatever reason there was a fountain exactly in the middle of the ball room. The floor was made of this kind of wood that crunched and squeaked when you walked on it. 

During his stay in the mansion he had barely been in there and the room was almost always dark and nobody used it. Today the room was lit up by the warm shine of fire and it smelled of gasoline and another scent which reminded him of Christmas in a weird way. 

Several, to him unidentifiable instruments were placed on the table made of ivory and expensive looking wood. From the heavy door at the other end of the room to the point right beneath him someone had created a mosaic of glass shards. From his point he could see that it formed a ammonit, a snail like fossil thing.

He was wondering how the hell one should now move around but then again he really was not familiar with this whole cult thing.

The most special thing about the so called ball room was something you did not see the first time you entered the room, not even necessarily the second time you entered it and certainly not if you weren't looking for it. 

The entire room besides the floor – was made of glass. Black glass to exact which reminded him of the glass in the interrogation room in the post office. 

Ressler was currently using the advantage of one the most genius features of the 'glass room'. He was standing on a kind of balcony, the ones you could see in opera houses and theaters, which was attached to the exterior wall and framed the whole room. To him it was amazing that even though the glass was several inches thick he could understand every word that was said in the room.

Suddenly he heard the door opening and was immediately ready to fight. False alarm. It wasn't Tom and his crew but Red. Seconds later he disappeared again but Ressler new that he was just getting into position on the opposite side of the room. 

Now he could hear the thunder loudly growling over the mansion. The weather fought a war just like them. He felt like the heart in his chest beat faster with every minute that passed. He had to wait  
until the ritual started. Red had actually taken the time and tried to educate him about the order. Well he had given up that soon and just told him how the ritual was working and when it would be best to 'attack'.

First, their would be a conversation between the master and Tom who was now an 'aimless', as the ones who wanted to leave the order and the outcast were called. The master would start to remove every sign that Tom was once one of them and take back and erase all the blessings and oaths that had been given to him.

Tom instead had to offer his 'life insurance'. An information so valuebal that his life was worthy enough to be spared and he would get to leave the order without a scratch. Once he used his life insurance he was free to go but should he ever offend the order in whatever way he would get killed immediately. Should the information not be worthy the master would have to kill Tom.

Then at the end of the ceremony both of them, the master and the aimless, had to drink out of an grail which was filled with a mixture of several herbs which would have the same affect as weed.  
It was the only option to get Tom because after the ceremony he would be gone faster than you could count to ten and at this state whether the master nor Tom were able to something about it, due to being drugged. 

Before they would hand Tom over to the FBI they would have a little question round of their own.   
At first, Ressler wasn't pleased with the thought of Tom being still alive. After all this man had done. They still didn't know how many people he had killed and how much pain he had brought to the victims' families. As always it was Red who convinced him not to kill Tom. There would be no use of his death but alive, they had a good chance to information out of him. Information that could save lives. 

At this point he didn't care anymore. He just wanted it to be over. He wanted to get back to his normal life with Agnes even though he highly doubted that he would ever get his life back. Liz must have felt the same way on her first day when she met Red.

 

Suddenly a movement in the room caught his attention. It was the master. Seriously what was it with cults and long black coats? The hood of course was hiding the face and Ressler believed he had seen the glimpse of a mask on the masters face. The master had entered the room trough the only visible door and was now standing right in front of the glass mosaic which he or she – due to the coat it was impossible to tell and not really important – had to cross to get to the table. The person was bending down and took of their shoes and started to walk across the glass. What the hell was even going on?The master was walking over the shards of glass like you would walk over a flower meadow. 

 

Then there was loud, screeching sound in his ear. Clearly, Dembe was getting their ear pieces ready.  
Not even the best technique and equipment was perfect. **'They are here. Baz and his team is in position. So far it is Tom including four of his men. More suspicious movement could be noticed so they probably are on to something and they are getting back up. We will still hold onto the plan but you all should be cautios. Agents Navabi and Motjabai as well as the rest of the back up is coming but they might not make it in time because some roads are blocked. Every shot has to find its target.'** Dembe's voice was calm. On the other hand the man was always calm so he could probably be crying right now and you wouldn't notice it. 

**'How is Agnes?'** Ressler wanted to know. Abruptly he wasn't so sure if there plan would work out the way they wanted it too. Again he started to doubt himself and the plan. Apparently Tom had more men they had thought. So much could go wrong. 

Dembe, even though they were two floors apart had somehow noticed how insecure he was about their operation. **'You need to stay concentrated, Donald.'** was all he said. Then it was silent again. 

The master had now reached table and took one of the silver bowls in both hands. Ressler couldn't tell what it was in it but it was definitely liqiud. It seemed like the ritual was starting but where for gods sake was Tom. While the leader of the order started a weird chant in a foreign language, the door opened again. This time it was Tom.

Ressler felt how the hate he felt for him was slowly rising to the surface. All he wanted to do right now was to get down there and choke the hell out of him. He was back to the look he had when he left for Germany and later turned up in the court. He was back to his true self the monster, the psychopath he was deep inside. 

Tom was a monster but he was also manipulative. He was clever and noticed a lot so Ressler tried to keep quiet and stay still. Even though you couldn't see behind the glass he was sure that Tom would sooner or later realize that someone was watching him. Then again you always felt like someone was watching you in this room. 

After he observed the motionless face of his opponent he now focused on Tom's guard dogs.   
The men were easily six foot tall and looked like profiboxers. There muscles were definitely real and not pumped with anabolics and drugs. There names were Miro Barrios and Andrew Michel, they once worked for a secruity service but later compromised one of their mission concerning the protection of an diplomat and five billion dollars. They both went underground. Boy that would be one hell of arrests today. Even though they were a bit too late to make it into the evening news.

Both of them were well trained but not that dangerous. Baz and his men would take care of without bigger problems. 

He focused on Tom who was standing approximately five feet away from his master, on the other end of the mosaic . An eerie silence was fulfilling the room. The master was standing with their back facing Tom and it seemed like they were focused on something on the floor. All of sudden Tom and his men were kneeling down in front of their 'boss'. Right onto the glass pieces. Ressler was not able to wrap his head about what he just saw.

For the first the master started to speak. It was one of the most horrific sounds he had ever heard and it sure as hell wasn't human. It had to be a voice distorter. It wasn't just one voice. It sounded like thousands and thousands of voices were talking. Ressler instinctively moved a few steps backwards to escape that noise. It was a mistake. For a second Tom turned his head right into his direction with a smug smile on his face. He knew Ressler was there. A second later he was looking back to the master. He couldn't possibly have seen him, right? 

Unless he knew he was there in the first place. A shiver run down his spine. 

The voices spoke **'You have expressed your wish to leave our order. The order has offered you protection for a many years so there needs to be a payment which is equally power and meaningful as the gifts this community has given you. As an aimless you need to pay your respects to our community which is now superior to you.'**

To Ressler it felt like has watching a scene from a real shitty horror movie which still got under your skin and made you turn off the TV for a little while. Just that he had no remote to change the channel.

Tom started to take off the black t-shirt he was wearing. Even from his distance watching point Ressler could see he the big, fleshy scar on his abdomen. It was the point where Liz had shot him. Twice. Where she shot him but not killed because she just wasn't that person. Because she couldn't kill the man she still loved even though he had turned her life in a psycho thriller movie without ending and without comic relief. 

Then Tom took off his shoes just like his boss had done before him and took a step forward while his guard dogs remained in their submissive position. Now Tom was standing on the glass carpet with his bare feet and slowely lowered his body onto the mosaic until the pieces of glass were cutting trough his skin. He said not one word or made any pained sounds. It was silent except for the sound of the shards of glass rubbing against each other due to Tom's movement who was now laying in front of his master, his chin pressed tight onto the shards. 

The master took the bowl and let it's content cascade on Toms bare back. What in gods name was going on. Well it seemed fitting for Tom to belong too such a .. .. well to belong to such a group but what he just had witnessed was beyond understanding.

When the voice started to speak again Ressler was ripped out of his thoughts. **What do you have to offer, Aimless?** the voice(s) spoke. 

**'Information'** Tom said. He didn't seem to even be slightly disturbed by the broken glass cutting in his flesh. **'Information about Raymond Reddington.'** If Red was worried about any Information that could be revealed about him and endanger him, he didn't show it. Red stayed silent,, no warnings were transmitted through the earpieces. Red was hidden behind the black glass, just like him but Ressler could picture the man. How he was standing there and probably smiling about Tom's 'information'. If it would be something harmful Red would have given a signal.

The master produced a sound that could maybe be interpreted as a laugh. If this made Tom nervous, he hid it well.

**'No one has information about him'.** the master simply stated.

**'Well, I do. Information so valuable that you will let me go'** Tom spoke with a firm voice. He seemed to be convinced of the importance of his information. What could he probably mean?

**'We will see if you are speaking the truth.'** the master answered and wanted Tom to stand up. He handed him a glass with a light green liquidity. **'Drink!'** Tom followed the command. **Speak!**

**He had a daughter. Elizabeth Keen. She passed away five months ago during childbirth. His grandchild, Agnes Keen is currently on her way to Washington DC. People of mine are following her.**

The master seemed not impressed. 

**Raymond Reddington, as you know, had to go underground because he was a suspected traitor. The truth is he wasn't. He never committed one of the crimes he was accused of. He had discovered a conspiracy against the president and the white house, against the government of America. He was young but he was the best. He had gotten to close to the center and had almost exposed on of the biggest conspiracies in the history. So they got nervous, they wanted to get rid of him. When they killed his family they didn't know he started a war and they weren't prepared for his rage. The more they tried to fight him the more dangerous he became. He became friends with important, powerful people, people who control the world secretly and in the dark. The government, the scandals everything on the media, that is not the real government. The real government is the reason why two countries are leading a war against each other. They are the reason parents killed their kids and because of them thousands of innocent people are imprisoned. The reasons why companies triumphed over others. To be honest it was all about 'who ruled this earth'. Reddington had won but that wasn't what he had planned. He wanted to go back but society was still seeing him as murderer and traitor. In the end he could never go back to the life he had built. His curse in this world was to remain the monarch of darkness, the concierge of crime as society viewed him even though he secretly protected over the course of all these years. But he did make a mistake. He knew power was important and power could protect him but then again too much power made vulnerable. So he divided his power. He had assembled a group of people he wanted to share his powers with, 50 to be correct. There was just one problem. Not all of them shared his opinion that you could have 'enough' power. They always wanted more. In the end there was a conspiracy against him. Again. In the end there were 15 people left. But in the mean time another group had formed, the cabal. Up until this day he is fighting against them, even harder these days because they killed his child. If you find these people, if you can convince them to help you, you could destroy Red. You could change the whole word. I can help you to find them but you will have to let me go.'**   
Tom ended his story.

Nothing on this earth could have prepared for what happened after Tom stopped talking.  
The master suddenly flicked his fingers and the light turned on. That was the moment he realized that they should get in now. They should get Tom into custody now. They had missed their moment. It was as if Dembe could read his mind because he could hear a **Donald, stay were you are.** in his ear. Even if he wanted to he could not have moved.

Tom seemed shocked which told Ressler that this was not supposed how the ritual should end.  
Tom´s men who had been kneeling trough this whole ordeal, shivered. Good, he thought, they had the surprise at their side and boy he would get surprised in the next minutes.

**I think that won't be necessary.** the master said. In a matter of seconds he had pulled out a gun and shot Miro and Andrew. Where the was Red. Why didn't he act. I mean sure he had invited a creepy-ass leader of an even more creepy-ass order into his mansion but Ressler thought that he would have a say in who got killed in his house.

Then it happened. The master ripped off his mask. 

 

It was Red. What the hell?

 

 

But how was this possible? Tom seemed equally surprised. **Hello Tom. Nice to see you again. We should talk for a minute or two. Donald, come down here, you both have so much to tell each other** With that Red clapped into his hands like he would before he said 'Dinner is ready'. 

Ressler was baffled. Red must have lost his mind he thought, as he walked down the stairs at the end of the balcony. He didn't understand anything anymore.

When he reached Red and nearly tripped over the two now dead men of Tom, he tried his best not to give in the wish to strangle Tom right there. 

**Reddington** Tom snarled. 

**'Oh Tom, after all this time. Are you really that naive to think that I would allow anyone to go around and talk about my secrets like they are the hot gossip high school teenager tell each other in the hall. Tsk Tsk. Well, I have to say I loved dressing up for this little event. It was so funny to see you come to that small Irish church with all the beaming eyes like a little child on christmas. Oh you were so happy to have finally found something to destroy me, weren't you. You were pretty useful too because through you I got to know every thing that is said about me out there. No one really knows anything about me or what I am really doing. It is a shame, Tom, really. When I let you pick up, twenty years ago, you had so much potential. Then you started to kill the wrong people for the wrong reasons. Well after our lovely little chat, I don't have further questions to you but Donald here has been eager to talk to you for a long time. You just don't kill loved ones of someone, that only gets you enemies. What you really do, is killing the enemies of your enemies so they become your friends. You never really got that concept, didn't you?'** Red laughed and he actually seemed to be amused by Tom's stupidity. 

All of sudden there appeared a smug smile on Tom's face. **No, you are the ones that 'don't get the concept'** he said with a calm, almost friendly voice. **'Were at war. Wars are not fight between two sides or two interests anymore. It doesn't work like that anymore'**

Then the world exploded around him.

When he opened his eyes again, his vision was blurry and every muscle of his body hurt. It felt like the fire around him was also slowly burning in his veins. He coughed. Ressler wanted to use his arms to stabilize himself and tried to stand up, ignoring the glass that was piercing through his skin.  
He panicked as an enormous amount of pain was hitting him. His right arm was broken or at least, dislocated. The same could be said about his right foot. 

He was laying on his back and the sparks of the fire around him almost looked like stars. He felt himself smiling. Reddington really had a nice sense of decoration. Wait, Reddington? Where, where was he? Why wasn't he here? They had worked on something together, hadn't they? His head hurt. It felt like something had exploded in his head and afterwards someone just put what was left of his brain back in to his head.

Again, he was shaken up by a cough. What has happened? Then someone appeared in his vision. Red?   
As always he had no luck. His vision just became clear enough to see who was standing right above him and smiled sadistically. **Donnie, Donnie we really need to talk, don't you think.**

Ressler felt how he was slowly losing consciousness again. He couldn't. He needed to stay awake but again he was losing this ridiculous fight against himself. The only two things he could later remember were being dragged over the floor by Tom and being thrown into a smelly van with hands and feet captivated.

The next time he woke up each of his arms was captivated by a metal chain so both of his arms were dragged apart. He realized one of his eyes was swollen and blood was dripping from several cuts all over his body.  
This time however his vision was clear. It didn't help him a bit. The room was grey and it smelled like gasoline. There was no window in the room and a light bulb was hanging from the ceiling. Right in front of stood a chair and on this chair sat Tom.

**'Good morning, darling'** he said in a mocking voice and stood up. Morning? He had no idea how late it was. 

**' Let’s have a little chat, shall we?'** Tom suggested. Well, it was no real suggestion but Ressler had absolutely now idea what he should do. He needed time and getting Tom to talk was the best thing that could happen.

**'Where is Reddington?'** he asked Tom. **Well, Donald if I were you, I would be a bit concerned about myself**

**'You know Donnie, you never really were my target. You were one of these dumb agents of the FBI, just trying to make himself a name. Well but then you fucked up. You just don't steal others people belongings. Liz was mine. Everything about her is mine. Hell, even little Agnes is mine but don't worry I don't fucking want her. I really don't know what Liz has seen you. Must have been the boy scout face. Well but after that you fucked up even more, you really screwed up. Or to be exact you fucked my bitch.'**

**'Don't talk about her like that. Don't you talk about her like that. She - she really did love you. You destroyed her '** Ressler's voice was raw and it hurt while he spoke.

Tom started to laugh **'Do you think I care about her. She is dead anyways. It is much more simpler than that. You my friend did something wrong and now you will have to pay for it.'**

Ressler closed his eyes. Everything was hurting. He needed to sleep. Tom slapped him.  
 **Focus, Ressler !** Tom demanded. **You know when this is all over, you will beg me to end your life.**. Then he suddenly held a glass in front of Resslers face and pressed it against his lips. **Drink!** he demanded. Of course Ressler didn't drink it. Again, Tom punched him. **Drink or I will kill Agnes** Ressler noticed the anger in his voice. Anger was good. Anger meant he had a weakness. He needed to find it.   
**You don't have her. You are lying.** He said. It was impossible, right? He couldn't have possibly found her. Tom seemed to read his thoughts **'Oh is that so?'**

**Hey, Paul let's say hello to Agent Ressler**

What he heard next was the pure horror. It was the sound of a crying baby. In the background you could hear 'Somewhere over the rainbow'. 

It was Resslers turn to get furious **You bastard. If she just has one scratch I will-**

**You will what? Kill me? Wow what a hero, you are** Tom mocked him. He was playing with. This moment of negligence used Tom to pour the content of the glass into Resslers mouth and forced him to swallow it.

It worked immediately. The world around him seemed to dance. Tom's head was getting bigger, than smaller again. He felt the urge to throw up. 

**You know considering the fact that Red destroyed your life and will be indirectly responsible for your death, you really seem to like the guy. I could spare you, you know. Just tell me what you know about Reddington. You know that thing with your parents?**

**Tom you—y—yo- You are crazy. I don't know anything about him.**

**Well that is sad, considering you are his grandchild father.** He said but Ressler didn't understand a word he was saying. It was too far away.

What in gods name was going on. Ressler felt like he was floating through the room while an external force was tearing him apart. He wanted to breath. He wanted to scream. He wanted to fight but he couldn't. It was silent in his head but at the same time the thousands of voices in his head seemed to talk at once.

**'Answer me. Talk to me, son of a bitch. Talk to me.'** Even if Ressler had wanted to answer he couldn't. His tongue was laying in his mouuth like a brick and the world was spinning around him. He was seeing all kind of forms and Tom was punching him. 

He punched him in his face several times and he tasted blood in his mouth. Tom was beating him up and he could do nothing against it. He tried to kick Tom but his legs didn't work.  
Again he heard Agnes cry and the world was spinning faster and faster around him. 

And suddenly the beating stopped. The world was still spinning and Ressler could barely stand anymore but the beating had stopped. 

Tom who had three heads now started to talk again. He held something in his hands, a knife probably. **'Do you know what this is, Donnie? No? Well, let me educate you. This beautiful piece is an indian combat knife, used in the 19th century. When I stab you with it, it won't be a big cut but as you can see, this knife has a barb. I will just need to pull it back and it ribs your inner organs out. You will be dead within minutes. Feel honored Donnie, not everyone has the chance to get killed by such a beautiful instrument.'**

Without another word Tom pushed the knife deep into Resslers abadomnen. He threw his head back and howled and screamed. It was a pain which couldn't be described with words. **Don't move Donnie, it just makes it worse.** Tom was laughing. 

That was the moment Ressler needed. Even though he was impaled he somewhere found the strenght for one last movement. The chains which held him captivated were light enough and he swung both arms forward and hit Tom`s head. 

While the blood was sipping trough what was left of his shirt and the light but bullet proof jacket and his body was sliding down the wall in the filthy, rotten warehouse, the dust was dancing in the morning sun falling trough one of the few shattered windows and landed on a tiny, lifeless body. When the darkness finally took over him, his last thoughts were about her and all the things that should have been but remained a bittersweet fantasy.

As he was laying there, bleeding out he could have sworn he saw a pair of the most beautiful blue eyes right above him. He saw a smiling, happy Liz. He really was dying.

 

**Maryland Hospital, a month later**

The light burned in his eyes when he opened them. His head was pounding and god he was thirsty.  
Did he die? Well then heaven really sucked. 

He felt like the darkness was trying to get him back so he needed to get as much information about this place. The monotone sounds of the machines who had kept him alive for god knows how long told him he was at a hospital. Alone. Did Reddington die, too?

Actually even this thought was ridiculous. The only one who could kill read was himself.   
He tried to turn his head. HA! That worked. 

He heard him reacting before he fully understand what he saw. The maschine who watched over his vital functions went crazy and his heart was almost jumping out of his chest. In a cheap, blue plastic stair … sat Liz.

He tried to form her name with his dried out lips. He needed to get her attention. He tried to touch her but suddenly she vanished and he was sucked back into the darkness.

The next time he woke up, Reddington stood above him. 

**Hello, my friend. I'm happy you are back in the world of the living.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So you read through all this shit? I am so fucking proud of you.   
> Some questions I want to answer you could probably have.
> 
> Does/Did Tom now Liz is alive -- No, he just knows what Red and Tay are talking about for example they have hacked their messages so if Tay writes 'I got new weapons' Tom knows about this.
> 
> Is Agnes dead? -- Who do you think I am?
> 
> Is this still a Keenler story -- Yes!!! It is just extremly hard to get rid of Tom. But he is gone. Not dead. Gone. I will explain this in the next chapters.
> 
>  
> 
> Yes this is still a Keenler story and I am finally done with Tom. The next chapter will be LIZ POV because she has played a major part in the out come of Resslers fight.
> 
> This is a Keenler story and there will be fluff and probaly smut and so on but I want to keep it real. Whenever both of them meet again they will have a shit ton of things to talk about but that doesn't mean they can't be happy. 
> 
> Please give me some reviews on this one it was so much work.


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